Beth thinks I'm a little self destructive - I keep cooking things for her and the boys that I really want to eat. What she does not realize, no matter what I cook, I really want to eat it. So, I'm not self destructive, just really fricken hungry.
Tonight the family had breakfast foods for dinner: bacon, sausage patties, eggs, tater tot hasbrowns and toast - I had broth. When I cook bacon, I don't fry it, I bake it. Set the oven for 425, cover a cookie sheet with foil, put the bacon on top of the foil and place it in the oven until it is cooked, to your liking. My method for cooking allows the bacon to cook evenly and makes cleanup very easy. Beth enjoys simple scrambled eggs: egg with a little milk, salt, pepper and cooking in a pan, greased in butter. The tater tots start frozen and are pan fried till crispy, in olive oil and butter, seasoned with seasoning salt and cracked pepper. And the toast... well, take some wheat bread, place it in the toaster, push the lever down and when it pops, butter it.
The bacon was torture - it just smelled so ridiculously good that my dinner had to include it. My mother made me some beef and vegetable soup broth, so I put it in a pot with four strips of bacon, salt, cracked pepper, Franks Red Hot, Spice Crackers and shredded cheese. I let this concoction simmer on low heat for 90-minutes, strained it and LOVED IT! While my dish was not as delicious as individual strip of bacon, it was an acceptable substitute.
I appreciate this - I appreciate every single aspect of what I'm doing for Lent. I enjoy cooking and not being able to eat what I cook does not bother me. The sacrifice of solids is manageable and Day-44 is obtainable.
Lent makes me think of Jesus, which makes me think of my religion. When I think of Christianity I often think of a quote by Father Brennan Manning:
The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.
This quote represents a very common criticism of the my religion. I've had personal experience with people whom are active members in their Church Community, but it would not be known outside of church functions. I'm sure people have experienced moments with me, that would leave them with the similar thoughts, about my faith and I'm sorry for that.
I'm not looking to be a stereotypical "Bible Thumper" but I hope to represent myself in a manner that doesn't shock people, if told that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I'll have my moments, my moments that in retrospect make me cringe, moments that do not do my Savior proud, but those moments are forgivable, understandable and quite frankly, expected. The history of humanity has netted the archives some great and honorable people, but only one has been pure and he was tortured for it.
The idea is to keep my shortcomings to a minimum and to learn from them. In between low moments, I hope to glory God. I'm sure my life will net a few critics, whom never truly see where my heat and intentions lie, their exposure to me may always be inopportune, but I pray that it is a relative few.
I don't want my Monday - Saturday lifestyle to leave doubt in mind of my observers, about Christianity. Accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior is the only key to Heaven, but leading a lifestyle encourages family, friends and strangers to join you, isn't a bad thing.
Random Notes: Started the day at 197 lbs and will finish around 1,800 calories, including four beers.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Day-21: Part 3 of The Things I've Been Tempted to Shove Down My Taste Hole
During the past 7-Days I can't think of anything funny that I've been tempted to shove in my taste hole - so I'm going straight to the list of things I wish I could have eaten, during the past 7-Days:
- Fresh Muscles from The Republic (Tuesday)
- Spice Crackers (Friday - Tuesday)
- A Bloomin Onion (Friday)
- A Slider (Friday)
- Chicken, Mashed Potatoes, Spinach w/ Mushrooms, Fresh Bread, Green Bean Casserole (Sunday)
- Home Made Tacos (Wednesday)
- Chips (Every Day)
- An Angus Beef Burger, French Fries, Chicken Nuggets, Fish Sandwich (Friday)
Anyway, I've started week-3 and catch myself glancing towards the finish line, which worries me. I'm doing a marathon, not a sprint, if I mentally pick of the pace to early I won't have the focus for the end. Work has been intense this week and while I don't ignore Jesus, I have not devoted a lot of intense thoughts his way. In retrospect, busy days are almost saddening because I focus so much on myself and not what I'm trying to accomplish.
A part of working to make myself better is consciously work to help those around me. The closet I've came to help someone around me, during the past 48-Hours, was giving a panhandler $3.00. Tomorrow, I will do more.
Random Notes: Started the day at 198 Lbs, maybe I had to much soup. Will finish down around 1800 Calories. And P.S. Burger King Chocolate Shakes are not worth the calories.
- Fresh Muscles from The Republic (Tuesday)
- Spice Crackers (Friday - Tuesday)
- A Bloomin Onion (Friday)
- A Slider (Friday)
- Chicken, Mashed Potatoes, Spinach w/ Mushrooms, Fresh Bread, Green Bean Casserole (Sunday)
- Home Made Tacos (Wednesday)
- Chips (Every Day)
- An Angus Beef Burger, French Fries, Chicken Nuggets, Fish Sandwich (Friday)
Anyway, I've started week-3 and catch myself glancing towards the finish line, which worries me. I'm doing a marathon, not a sprint, if I mentally pick of the pace to early I won't have the focus for the end. Work has been intense this week and while I don't ignore Jesus, I have not devoted a lot of intense thoughts his way. In retrospect, busy days are almost saddening because I focus so much on myself and not what I'm trying to accomplish.
A part of working to make myself better is consciously work to help those around me. The closet I've came to help someone around me, during the past 48-Hours, was giving a panhandler $3.00. Tomorrow, I will do more.
Random Notes: Started the day at 198 Lbs, maybe I had to much soup. Will finish down around 1800 Calories. And P.S. Burger King Chocolate Shakes are not worth the calories.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Day-19 & 20: 1/2 Way There (Not Really) and a 2-Fer
For the first time in 20-Days I've experienced something that tastes good. It wasn't a 20-Days later tastes good, but an actual tastes good, tastes good. The Republic of Grand Rapids was featuring "Sweet & Sour Duck Soup" - The server brought be me just the broth, it passed the straw test - it was awesome!!! Like little angels square dancing on my tongue.
Coincidentally, Day-20 fell on Oberon day, the first day of the year where the Bell's Brewery releases their annual batch of Oberon. To me, Oberon is a little overplayed, but like Green Beer on St. Patty's Day, on Oberon day, it is worth drinking. So in addition to my "Sweet & Sour Duck Soup", I enjoyed 2 pints of Oberon.
I feel guilty about the 2-Fer that I'm posting today. I hope that this is the only 2-Fer of the 40-Days, it makes me feel lazy and neglectful. To which I can almost smile at the silliness of the situation, since the blog is self motivated and an outlet for my thoughts. But I need it, I need the blog and structure and the self-reflection that it creates. For me, the blog has become as much a part of Lent as not eating solids. If I give myself too much slack with the blog the rest may crumble and that hiding in a closet, eating a bag of Salt & Pepper Kettle Chips is dangerously close.
Yesterday was Day-19, Sunday. My first Sunday, where a meal of baked chicken, mashed potatoes, fresh bread, green bean casserole and spinach w/ mushrooms was turned down. A day that included sleeping in, working out and thinking, a lot, about Lent. It was a day of spending time with my family, preparing for spring, not eating solids and being thankful for all that we have. Day-19 was everything a Sunday should be and everything I needed to get through without solids, to be sure that the next 25-Days are obtainable.
As it turns out, Day-19 is also the day where I decided that my first solid meal would be in another 24-Days, Maundy Thursday. As an FYI, Maundy Thursday is a day commiserating the Last Supper of Jesus and his Disciples. By the time Maundy Thursday roles around, I will have gone 43-Days without solids, and at the end of on that 44th Day, a baseball sized chunk of 135 degree, red meat will be SCREAMING my name from Mt. Everest.
Today work contained some employee stress. Rather than deal with that stress by anger, sarcasm or frustration, I passed the buck. I delegated a stressful situation to an coworker, rather my partner, a person extremely competent and able to handle the situation better than I. When resolved, three people were better off: By not blowing a gasket, I was a little improved, Robert, my partner, earned a little more management experience and an employee saved a little face in correcting a mistake. Situations won't always play out this way, but today did and it helps me to smile.
At Day-20 I've consumed more than 60 chocolate SlimFast shakes, 18 protein shakes, 360 ounces of V8, 4 McDonald's Triple Thick Shakes and a few other random fluids. By Day-44 all of these numbers will have more than doubled. Doubtlessly, the tastes of chocolate SlimFast will be low on the "needs list", but I will it will have been a staple of survival.
Jesus didn't have SlimFast, but he had the knowledge of who he was and what his destiny was. I may have SlimFast and self-resolve but more importantly, I have know who Jesus was, what he went though and what it means for human kind and to me. I'm on Day-20, not quite half way there, but the map to the end is getting more clear and the experience is exciting.
Random Notes: Started the day at 198 Lbs and since I can't gauge the calorie count of "Sweet & Sour Duck Soup" then daily calorie count is unclear.
Coincidentally, Day-20 fell on Oberon day, the first day of the year where the Bell's Brewery releases their annual batch of Oberon. To me, Oberon is a little overplayed, but like Green Beer on St. Patty's Day, on Oberon day, it is worth drinking. So in addition to my "Sweet & Sour Duck Soup", I enjoyed 2 pints of Oberon.
I feel guilty about the 2-Fer that I'm posting today. I hope that this is the only 2-Fer of the 40-Days, it makes me feel lazy and neglectful. To which I can almost smile at the silliness of the situation, since the blog is self motivated and an outlet for my thoughts. But I need it, I need the blog and structure and the self-reflection that it creates. For me, the blog has become as much a part of Lent as not eating solids. If I give myself too much slack with the blog the rest may crumble and that hiding in a closet, eating a bag of Salt & Pepper Kettle Chips is dangerously close.
Yesterday was Day-19, Sunday. My first Sunday, where a meal of baked chicken, mashed potatoes, fresh bread, green bean casserole and spinach w/ mushrooms was turned down. A day that included sleeping in, working out and thinking, a lot, about Lent. It was a day of spending time with my family, preparing for spring, not eating solids and being thankful for all that we have. Day-19 was everything a Sunday should be and everything I needed to get through without solids, to be sure that the next 25-Days are obtainable.
As it turns out, Day-19 is also the day where I decided that my first solid meal would be in another 24-Days, Maundy Thursday. As an FYI, Maundy Thursday is a day commiserating the Last Supper of Jesus and his Disciples. By the time Maundy Thursday roles around, I will have gone 43-Days without solids, and at the end of on that 44th Day, a baseball sized chunk of 135 degree, red meat will be SCREAMING my name from Mt. Everest.
Today work contained some employee stress. Rather than deal with that stress by anger, sarcasm or frustration, I passed the buck. I delegated a stressful situation to an coworker, rather my partner, a person extremely competent and able to handle the situation better than I. When resolved, three people were better off: By not blowing a gasket, I was a little improved, Robert, my partner, earned a little more management experience and an employee saved a little face in correcting a mistake. Situations won't always play out this way, but today did and it helps me to smile.
At Day-20 I've consumed more than 60 chocolate SlimFast shakes, 18 protein shakes, 360 ounces of V8, 4 McDonald's Triple Thick Shakes and a few other random fluids. By Day-44 all of these numbers will have more than doubled. Doubtlessly, the tastes of chocolate SlimFast will be low on the "needs list", but I will it will have been a staple of survival.
Jesus didn't have SlimFast, but he had the knowledge of who he was and what his destiny was. I may have SlimFast and self-resolve but more importantly, I have know who Jesus was, what he went though and what it means for human kind and to me. I'm on Day-20, not quite half way there, but the map to the end is getting more clear and the experience is exciting.
Random Notes: Started the day at 198 Lbs and since I can't gauge the calorie count of "Sweet & Sour Duck Soup" then daily calorie count is unclear.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Day-18: Spice Crackers, Spice Crackers, Spice Crackers Mmmmmm
I love my childhood. I grew up in a household with loving parents, loving siblings and great friends; I also grew up on the lower side, of the middle class income level. As a middle class child your parents income bares little relevance to your world. You may notice that some friends / classmates have more video games, their parents drive newer cars, they vacation in more interesting places or have more toys, but for the most part the affect is minimal. We always had a house, two cars, clothes, food, presents on holidays, played sports, went to friends, camped in the summer, life was good. It is easy to look back and realize which friends came from families with money, but at the time it barely mattered. If my parents had made more money when we young, we may not have ever discovered the world of Spice Crackers.
For all intent and purposes, grades K-12, I had Spice Crackers in my lunch everyday but Thursday (Pizza Day). My family called them Spices Crackers, by the time I was in the third grades, they were more commonly referred to as Emmitt Mix. On Sunday my parents would mix oyster crackers, cheese crackers, mini pretzels, ranch, dill and oil, in a giant Tupperware bowl and everyday in my lunch, I'd get a small bag of it. The stuff is delicious and my friends loved it, still do. As an elementary school aged boy, Spice Crackers were not always my favorite: "Do I have to have them again?", "Why can't I buy hot lunch?", "Why can't you buy Doritos?". Thankfully, I learned the world of bartering at an early age; "my spice crackers for your pudding cup," and by High School I could trade a sandwich bag of Spice Crackers for an entire hot lunch.
Spice Crackers were with me at college, they been presents for friends, they were at my wedding, they've been at my BBQ's, and they are equally loved by my parent's grandchildren. Beth and I went back to Holly to see my parents on Friday; sitting there, on top of the refrigerator, in a giant Tupperware bowl was a fresh batch of Spice Crackers. Daniel and Sam love Spice Crackers, they had them as a snack upon arrival, munched on them for breakfast, a snack at lunch time and were sent home with a batch on Saturday. The only time they didn't have flakes of dill on their, fingers, mouth or clothes was getting out of the shower. When I open the lid of the Tupperware, my mouth salivates, the tongue screams "yes, eat them" and my mind races back to childhood, I love Spice Crackers. This weekend was the first time in my life, where I have been around Spice Crackers and didn't have at least a nibble.
Not enjoying Spice Crackers is one of the few negatives, of not eating solids. Of all the positives that have come from not eating solids, as of Day-18, I'd have to say that the opportunity for conversation is best part. Conversations with God, with myself, with Beth, with other family, friends, coworkers and acquaintances. Sometimes people just want to know why I'm doing this, other times the "why" leads to deeper and longer discussions.
As the conversations evolve, so do the answers. On Day-1, the honest answer to "why are you doing this?" would have been "Not exactly sure, but also because and I can do it and it will impress people." By Day-3 the answer was, "so I more often think about God". Today the answer is along the line of "to make myself a better person. To help me figure out where my spiritual relationship with God is and where it needs to go. To hopefully give myself some clarity with the direction of my life. To be a little skinner and because I can do it and it will impress people."
I love the conversations I'm getting from this. Conversation is part of the reason I blog. Blogging allows me to have this conversation with myself, to formulate thoughts and share them. I know that on an earlier post I indicated that I view conversation like a cage fight, but in regards to my 40 Days of Liquid, it's leisurely, relaxing, enjoyable, like playing catch with a baseball.
Random Notes: Started the day at ???, not sure, my parents scale is not accurate. Will finish the day around 2,100 calories.
For all intent and purposes, grades K-12, I had Spice Crackers in my lunch everyday but Thursday (Pizza Day). My family called them Spices Crackers, by the time I was in the third grades, they were more commonly referred to as Emmitt Mix. On Sunday my parents would mix oyster crackers, cheese crackers, mini pretzels, ranch, dill and oil, in a giant Tupperware bowl and everyday in my lunch, I'd get a small bag of it. The stuff is delicious and my friends loved it, still do. As an elementary school aged boy, Spice Crackers were not always my favorite: "Do I have to have them again?", "Why can't I buy hot lunch?", "Why can't you buy Doritos?". Thankfully, I learned the world of bartering at an early age; "my spice crackers for your pudding cup," and by High School I could trade a sandwich bag of Spice Crackers for an entire hot lunch.
Spice Crackers were with me at college, they been presents for friends, they were at my wedding, they've been at my BBQ's, and they are equally loved by my parent's grandchildren. Beth and I went back to Holly to see my parents on Friday; sitting there, on top of the refrigerator, in a giant Tupperware bowl was a fresh batch of Spice Crackers. Daniel and Sam love Spice Crackers, they had them as a snack upon arrival, munched on them for breakfast, a snack at lunch time and were sent home with a batch on Saturday. The only time they didn't have flakes of dill on their, fingers, mouth or clothes was getting out of the shower. When I open the lid of the Tupperware, my mouth salivates, the tongue screams "yes, eat them" and my mind races back to childhood, I love Spice Crackers. This weekend was the first time in my life, where I have been around Spice Crackers and didn't have at least a nibble.
Not enjoying Spice Crackers is one of the few negatives, of not eating solids. Of all the positives that have come from not eating solids, as of Day-18, I'd have to say that the opportunity for conversation is best part. Conversations with God, with myself, with Beth, with other family, friends, coworkers and acquaintances. Sometimes people just want to know why I'm doing this, other times the "why" leads to deeper and longer discussions.
As the conversations evolve, so do the answers. On Day-1, the honest answer to "why are you doing this?" would have been "Not exactly sure, but also because and I can do it and it will impress people." By Day-3 the answer was, "so I more often think about God". Today the answer is along the line of "to make myself a better person. To help me figure out where my spiritual relationship with God is and where it needs to go. To hopefully give myself some clarity with the direction of my life. To be a little skinner and because I can do it and it will impress people."
I love the conversations I'm getting from this. Conversation is part of the reason I blog. Blogging allows me to have this conversation with myself, to formulate thoughts and share them. I know that on an earlier post I indicated that I view conversation like a cage fight, but in regards to my 40 Days of Liquid, it's leisurely, relaxing, enjoyable, like playing catch with a baseball.
Random Notes: Started the day at ???, not sure, my parents scale is not accurate. Will finish the day around 2,100 calories.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Day-17: The Straw Test
When going to the bar, a common joke towards the waitress is; "Just a beer, I'm on a liquid diet." Waitresses kindly smile, your group laughs and nobody expects you to be serious. Even for those whom start only with beer will snag a french fry, a potato chip, a bite of a slider, or some other random nugget of goodness when available. If sitting at a table with friends and not butterflying around the bar, I'd wager that the "just a beer" guy ends up with his own order of deep fried pickles, jalapeno poppers, nachos, etc, bye the end of the night.
Last night I was that "just a beer" guy and while my evening didn't involve deep fried, heavenly, goodness I did come up with The Straw Test.
The Straw Test is simple; if a soup is a thin enough to be sucked through a straw, I'll drink what I can (with the straw) and leave the rest in the bowl. The bar was featuring cream a broccoli soup and despite some massive leftover chunks, I enjoyed about 2/3 of the bowl, through the straw... it was amazing.
In my own little world of Lenten sacrifice, I comprise the Executive, Legislative and Judaical Branches of what is and is not allowed. Sometimes, like last night, I'm forced to ask myself "is this acceptable for what I'm looking to accomplish?", "will I be mad at myself later?" Obviously, I found it to be acceptable and thankfully I did not regret it later.
When deciding to allow The Straw Test for soups, I made a mental list of things not allowed:
- Gravy
- Apple Sauce
- Pudding / Custard
- Mashed Potatoes
- Hummus
- Cottage Cheese
- Liquid Cheese
- Hot Fudge
- Ice Cream (Though fair game melted or in a milkshake form)
In all likely hood the list will be added to, in days to come.
For me the overall results of the diet carry the least amount of magnitude in my Lenten experience, nonetheless it is an absolutely necessary component that ties everything together and is the foundation of that which is making me strive to be better. Having rules that I stick by, following through with, and talk about, are critical for my success. If I started eating solids, my spiritual journey would follow the same path as other broken diets or missed work outs. I eat solids on Day-18, then not again till Day-26, then Day-32, then Day-34, Day-35, Day-36- "darn, I almost did it" and at the same time my self reflection gets becomes less important and less devote. Workouts have the same fate, miss a day here, a day there and pretty soon working out is something that one used to do when they had time.
I need to be strict with myself. In the scheme of things 40-Days isn't much and is something that I can handle. I can't comprise my own standards on this, which is why The Straw Test scared me and why I'm silly about things like ice cream. Chunks of ham are off limits, but if a friend takes the time to puree them, with the split peas, the ham is now allowed. Ice cream, fresh from the freezer, is a no-no, but when left to sit in room temperature for 20 minutes, I gladly slurp that stuff up.
For now, the diet is the instrument that makes me ask more of myself. The diet is glue that is holding together my little journey of self-improvement, self-betterment, self-worth, self-guidance, self-direction, self-something. I have 23-Days left to not only master the "why?", the "how?" and the "what now?" but also to set up accountability without the diet (and blog), so that it doesn't all fall apart, without the glue, without the diet, without the season of Lent.
Random Notes: Started the day at 197 lbs, will finish around 1900 calories. And mom, thanks for the soup broth.
Last night I was that "just a beer" guy and while my evening didn't involve deep fried, heavenly, goodness I did come up with The Straw Test.
The Straw Test is simple; if a soup is a thin enough to be sucked through a straw, I'll drink what I can (with the straw) and leave the rest in the bowl. The bar was featuring cream a broccoli soup and despite some massive leftover chunks, I enjoyed about 2/3 of the bowl, through the straw... it was amazing.
In my own little world of Lenten sacrifice, I comprise the Executive, Legislative and Judaical Branches of what is and is not allowed. Sometimes, like last night, I'm forced to ask myself "is this acceptable for what I'm looking to accomplish?", "will I be mad at myself later?" Obviously, I found it to be acceptable and thankfully I did not regret it later.
When deciding to allow The Straw Test for soups, I made a mental list of things not allowed:
- Gravy
- Apple Sauce
- Pudding / Custard
- Mashed Potatoes
- Hummus
- Cottage Cheese
- Liquid Cheese
- Hot Fudge
- Ice Cream (Though fair game melted or in a milkshake form)
In all likely hood the list will be added to, in days to come.
For me the overall results of the diet carry the least amount of magnitude in my Lenten experience, nonetheless it is an absolutely necessary component that ties everything together and is the foundation of that which is making me strive to be better. Having rules that I stick by, following through with, and talk about, are critical for my success. If I started eating solids, my spiritual journey would follow the same path as other broken diets or missed work outs. I eat solids on Day-18, then not again till Day-26, then Day-32, then Day-34, Day-35, Day-36- "darn, I almost did it" and at the same time my self reflection gets becomes less important and less devote. Workouts have the same fate, miss a day here, a day there and pretty soon working out is something that one used to do when they had time.
I need to be strict with myself. In the scheme of things 40-Days isn't much and is something that I can handle. I can't comprise my own standards on this, which is why The Straw Test scared me and why I'm silly about things like ice cream. Chunks of ham are off limits, but if a friend takes the time to puree them, with the split peas, the ham is now allowed. Ice cream, fresh from the freezer, is a no-no, but when left to sit in room temperature for 20 minutes, I gladly slurp that stuff up.
For now, the diet is the instrument that makes me ask more of myself. The diet is glue that is holding together my little journey of self-improvement, self-betterment, self-worth, self-guidance, self-direction, self-something. I have 23-Days left to not only master the "why?", the "how?" and the "what now?" but also to set up accountability without the diet (and blog), so that it doesn't all fall apart, without the glue, without the diet, without the season of Lent.
Random Notes: Started the day at 197 lbs, will finish around 1900 calories. And mom, thanks for the soup broth.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day-16: Attack of the Killer Leftover Demons
Unlike Vampires of the Black Court, a Leftover Demon cannot be killed by a wooden stake to the heart, it has no head to chop off, Holy water only makes soupy and garlic (with a little franks) often makes the Leftover Demon more desirable. An exorcism may work on a Leftover Demon but only if the those doing the rites are hungry. For Leftover Demons cannot be banished, only eaten, given away or thrown away.
I love leftovers. I love to take them and transform them into something new. Cheese, garlic powder, seasoning salt, cracked pepper and franks are often on the roster of Team Leftover. Last night's Outback is tomorrows breakfast skillet. Friday night's pizza is Saturday morning cold pizza w/ mustard, not creative but oh so delicious.
Tomorrow, in addition to standard stock, my fridge will contain leftover taco meat and leftover chicken stir-fry on fried rice. Those things are just screaming to be played with, but sadly they wont. They will be left to spoil, in favor of the trail of urinary annoyance. For on my liquid journey there is not leftover surprise. No sauteed garlic, onion, soy, peppered diced chicken fingers on a french fry hash. No sweet & sour pork omelet or fried-egg-half-club sandwich. Just the sweet, chocolate, redundancy of Slimfast or the smooth, salty, ever so health V8... grrrr......
In thinking of Leftover Demons I find myself thinking of anger. I'm not angry that I can't eat leftovers, as I've mentioned before, the lack of solids does not bother me. After years of cutting weight so I can be in the starting lineup on my wrestling teams, food isn't tempting, 40-Days is just annoying. As noted yesterday, I wrestled 157 lbs in college, a nutritionist at GVSU calibrated my body fat at 1.6 %. Actually, a student calibrated it at 1.9%, a machine found it to be 1.7% and the professional, thinking they were both wrong, did it herself and came up with 1.6%. I remember this clearly because after the nutritionist calculated, then double checked her results, she said something along the line of "wrestlers are disgusting, I don't know how you have any energy to function at this body fat, you could die from being this skinny." Sadly, this was my junior year, I stupidly went back down to 157 lbs as a senior.
I digressed, sorry. Anyway, I get angry at times. Never violent towards others, though I have broke a cell phone, or three. Yelling often occurs, but the most common outlet is evil, ruthless, forked tongue sarcasm. Bitter acid tones in my voice, attached to sentences designed to make the target feel more stupid than I am angry and remind any in audience that they do not want to be on the receiving end. However, since Day-11, no sarcasm and the anger is less. Things still upset me, a few times it's bubbled over, but it bubbles less. Not a severe bubble and a few times the bubble has been avoided by prayer. If not God than at least prayer takes time, time requires breathing, breathing slows the heart rate, which lowers blood pressure, which calms me :)
Today, I spoke separately with a couple friends, about my journey. Both of whom have utilized and needed prayer in their life. Telling the story, to date, has helped me realize the more I talk about needing more from this journey then a trim waist, the more I will get out of it. We all have this natural desire to be self made, to prove that we can do it on our own: I paid my way though college, I started a small business, I was a successful wrestler, I've ran a marathon etc, etc, etc. But the list is always missing: With student loans, with my my father-in-law's idea and co-signature, because of great coaches and practice partners, because Beth watched Daniel so I could train. The support reasons, that never get noted, when people list their accomplishments can always be traced back generation, to generation, to generation, to, well, you get the idea. It all goes back to the beginning, to God.
So maybe this about learning to understand it's greater than "me", that I don't really do anything myself and that I'm not actually in control of what I think I am.
I don't know - needs more thought and time - both of which with happen.
Random Notes: Started the day at 199 lbs, will finish around 1,500 calories, which will include 4 beers. Tomorrow I'll need more healthy calories.
I love leftovers. I love to take them and transform them into something new. Cheese, garlic powder, seasoning salt, cracked pepper and franks are often on the roster of Team Leftover. Last night's Outback is tomorrows breakfast skillet. Friday night's pizza is Saturday morning cold pizza w/ mustard, not creative but oh so delicious.
Tomorrow, in addition to standard stock, my fridge will contain leftover taco meat and leftover chicken stir-fry on fried rice. Those things are just screaming to be played with, but sadly they wont. They will be left to spoil, in favor of the trail of urinary annoyance. For on my liquid journey there is not leftover surprise. No sauteed garlic, onion, soy, peppered diced chicken fingers on a french fry hash. No sweet & sour pork omelet or fried-egg-half-club sandwich. Just the sweet, chocolate, redundancy of Slimfast or the smooth, salty, ever so health V8... grrrr......
In thinking of Leftover Demons I find myself thinking of anger. I'm not angry that I can't eat leftovers, as I've mentioned before, the lack of solids does not bother me. After years of cutting weight so I can be in the starting lineup on my wrestling teams, food isn't tempting, 40-Days is just annoying. As noted yesterday, I wrestled 157 lbs in college, a nutritionist at GVSU calibrated my body fat at 1.6 %. Actually, a student calibrated it at 1.9%, a machine found it to be 1.7% and the professional, thinking they were both wrong, did it herself and came up with 1.6%. I remember this clearly because after the nutritionist calculated, then double checked her results, she said something along the line of "wrestlers are disgusting, I don't know how you have any energy to function at this body fat, you could die from being this skinny." Sadly, this was my junior year, I stupidly went back down to 157 lbs as a senior.
I digressed, sorry. Anyway, I get angry at times. Never violent towards others, though I have broke a cell phone, or three. Yelling often occurs, but the most common outlet is evil, ruthless, forked tongue sarcasm. Bitter acid tones in my voice, attached to sentences designed to make the target feel more stupid than I am angry and remind any in audience that they do not want to be on the receiving end. However, since Day-11, no sarcasm and the anger is less. Things still upset me, a few times it's bubbled over, but it bubbles less. Not a severe bubble and a few times the bubble has been avoided by prayer. If not God than at least prayer takes time, time requires breathing, breathing slows the heart rate, which lowers blood pressure, which calms me :)
Today, I spoke separately with a couple friends, about my journey. Both of whom have utilized and needed prayer in their life. Telling the story, to date, has helped me realize the more I talk about needing more from this journey then a trim waist, the more I will get out of it. We all have this natural desire to be self made, to prove that we can do it on our own: I paid my way though college, I started a small business, I was a successful wrestler, I've ran a marathon etc, etc, etc. But the list is always missing: With student loans, with my my father-in-law's idea and co-signature, because of great coaches and practice partners, because Beth watched Daniel so I could train. The support reasons, that never get noted, when people list their accomplishments can always be traced back generation, to generation, to generation, to, well, you get the idea. It all goes back to the beginning, to God.
So maybe this about learning to understand it's greater than "me", that I don't really do anything myself and that I'm not actually in control of what I think I am.
I don't know - needs more thought and time - both of which with happen.
Random Notes: Started the day at 199 lbs, will finish around 1,500 calories, which will include 4 beers. Tomorrow I'll need more healthy calories.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Day-15: Holy Crap! - My Weight Starts With an "1"
As I've repeatedly stated, the motive behind this 40-Days of liquid is not my waist line, it is to better myself and my relationship with God. Lord knows that the weight will come back once I start eating normal. I must gain more than a smaller pant size to better myself as a person and to make the frustration and hardships of not eating worth it. All that being said, a slimmer midsection is a definite bonus and not something that I'm ashamed of enjoying.
For the first time since weighing more than 200 lbs, I started the day under 200 lbs, 199 to be exact. I've spent more than a decade wrestling competitively, which makes remembering how much I weighed at what point in my life easy. (At least during the winter months):
- 95 Lbs - 5th Grade (10 years old)
- 125 Lbs - 6th Grade (I was a chunky monkey) (11)
- 107 Lbs - 7th Grade (12)
- 121 Lbs - 8th Grade (13)
- 135 Lbs - 9th Grade (14)
- 135 Lbs - 10th Grade (15)
- 152 Lbs - 11th Grade (16)
- 160 Lbs - 12th Grade (17)
- 195 Lbs Freshmen 35 (didn't wrestle) at Bradley University (18)
- 157 Lbs - Sophomore Year at GVSU (19)
- 157 Lbs - Junior Year at GVSU (20)
- 157 Lbs - Junior Year at GVSU (21)
In regards to my years at GVSU, I actually weighed 180 lbs when I wasn't in season and 157 lbs was my weigh in weight. Even during wrestling season my natural weight was around 170 lbs. The last time I weighed 157 lbs was mid-January, 2004 at the Cleveland State Open.
The week following the Cleveland State Open, Beth and I sat down to pay our bills and realized that we were broke. No more Wrestling, Andy get's a job. I finished my degree in May, 2004 and the waist line never looked back. I worked as Political Director for the Kent County Republicans and by the time we had re-elected George W. Bush in November, 2004 I was 190 lbs. Starting in January 2005 I helped coach wrestling at Byron Center High School, for the State Meet, in March, I was holding firm at 195 lbs. Sometime in the Summer of 2005 I finally broke 200 lbs, though it would be 2006 before I admitted that I no longer weighed in the 190's.
During the past 6-years my weight has fluctuated within a 34 lbs range. I peaked in December, 2007 at 236 lbs, shortly after Daniel was born. Even after completing a full program of P90X my weight hit 202 lbs in December, 2009, still above 200 lbs. The past few years I've been happy with my weight / body - when I get towards and above 220 lbs I work to bring it back down to the 210-215 lbs range.
In the future, other than "Random Notes" I won't be posting specifically on my weight. To me, it is just kind of cool to be under 200 lbs for the first time since 2005. Even in October, 2008 when I ran a a full marathon my weight was 211 lbs. Pastor's preach because they are called to do so by the spirit of the Lord but a healthy collection plate is never frowned upon.
Random Notes: Started the day at 199 lbs, will finish around 1,900 calories. Had pureed soup for dinner thanks to a friend! Not that I'm done with Slim Fast but it is always nice to have a change of pace for the pallet - perhaps a pureed cheeseburger may happen before Day-40.
For the first time since weighing more than 200 lbs, I started the day under 200 lbs, 199 to be exact. I've spent more than a decade wrestling competitively, which makes remembering how much I weighed at what point in my life easy. (At least during the winter months):
- 95 Lbs - 5th Grade (10 years old)
- 125 Lbs - 6th Grade (I was a chunky monkey) (11)
- 107 Lbs - 7th Grade (12)
- 121 Lbs - 8th Grade (13)
- 135 Lbs - 9th Grade (14)
- 135 Lbs - 10th Grade (15)
- 152 Lbs - 11th Grade (16)
- 160 Lbs - 12th Grade (17)
- 195 Lbs Freshmen 35 (didn't wrestle) at Bradley University (18)
- 157 Lbs - Sophomore Year at GVSU (19)
- 157 Lbs - Junior Year at GVSU (20)
- 157 Lbs - Junior Year at GVSU (21)
In regards to my years at GVSU, I actually weighed 180 lbs when I wasn't in season and 157 lbs was my weigh in weight. Even during wrestling season my natural weight was around 170 lbs. The last time I weighed 157 lbs was mid-January, 2004 at the Cleveland State Open.
The week following the Cleveland State Open, Beth and I sat down to pay our bills and realized that we were broke. No more Wrestling, Andy get's a job. I finished my degree in May, 2004 and the waist line never looked back. I worked as Political Director for the Kent County Republicans and by the time we had re-elected George W. Bush in November, 2004 I was 190 lbs. Starting in January 2005 I helped coach wrestling at Byron Center High School, for the State Meet, in March, I was holding firm at 195 lbs. Sometime in the Summer of 2005 I finally broke 200 lbs, though it would be 2006 before I admitted that I no longer weighed in the 190's.
During the past 6-years my weight has fluctuated within a 34 lbs range. I peaked in December, 2007 at 236 lbs, shortly after Daniel was born. Even after completing a full program of P90X my weight hit 202 lbs in December, 2009, still above 200 lbs. The past few years I've been happy with my weight / body - when I get towards and above 220 lbs I work to bring it back down to the 210-215 lbs range.
In the future, other than "Random Notes" I won't be posting specifically on my weight. To me, it is just kind of cool to be under 200 lbs for the first time since 2005. Even in October, 2008 when I ran a a full marathon my weight was 211 lbs. Pastor's preach because they are called to do so by the spirit of the Lord but a healthy collection plate is never frowned upon.
Random Notes: Started the day at 199 lbs, will finish around 1,900 calories. Had pureed soup for dinner thanks to a friend! Not that I'm done with Slim Fast but it is always nice to have a change of pace for the pallet - perhaps a pureed cheeseburger may happen before Day-40.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Day-14: Part 2 of The Things I've Been Tempted to Shove Down My Taste Hole
I have started craving food! Some cravings are greater than others and though I've not come close to giving in, here is a list from week 2, that I've been tempted to partake in (as a reminder, I have not done any of the following:
- Lick the box that Kyle's Pizza Hut came in, last Friday
- A side cup of ranch dressing that Beth's sampler platter came with, last Thursday
- A puree of Corned Beef and Cabbage on St. Patty's Day
- McDonald's French Fry Puree
- A mouthful of Honey (Still may do this one)
- Wiped Hummus w/ milk (so it is liquid)
Other than the random - "licking a cardboard box" like items, the above list is going to get redundant, so I'm adding a new "end of the week" list. Item's it's killed me not to eat, that I could have:
- The boy's leftover tacos that I made fresh tonight
- The boy's leftover burger and french fries from last Thursday
- "Bag fries" from yesterday
- That unopened tub of guacamole, staring at me, every time I open my refrigerator
- The corned beef and cabbage, from Pete's Tavern, on St. Patty's Day
- Meijer buttered pretzel braids
- A Little Cesar's Bread stick
The food got to me today. I was constantly hungry and had brief moments where I thought "nobody is around, maybe a sandwich wouldn't hurt." I also had worries that I won't make it to Day 40. Thankfully those moments quickly passed but they rattled me.
Not a lot of time with J.C. today - hopefully tomorrow will be better. I did work a little on my 2nd task. I expressed anger and frustrations towards employees, I did not overuse candor or sarcasm. One of my older brother's told me that he tries to utilize conversation as a tool rather than a sport. My problem is that I'm overly willing too and enjoy experience conversation more as a cage fight - a cage fight is more extreme than I typically communicate but it gets the point across.
Just to the keep the record clear: As of Day-14, I'm not eating solids, I'm working on keeping my opinions to my self / being sensitive towards other, I'm trying to pray more, I'm focusing more on Jesus and searching for answers to question I'm not what to ask. All this makes me wonder if Lent will leave me any free time by Day-40?
Random Notes: Started the day at 200, will finish around 2200 calories (I was really hungry all day). Also, I'm not going to start pureeing a bunch of things, but if you puree it and give it to me, I'll try it - well, maybe.
- Lick the box that Kyle's Pizza Hut came in, last Friday
- A side cup of ranch dressing that Beth's sampler platter came with, last Thursday
- A puree of Corned Beef and Cabbage on St. Patty's Day
- McDonald's French Fry Puree
- A mouthful of Honey (Still may do this one)
- Wiped Hummus w/ milk (so it is liquid)
Other than the random - "licking a cardboard box" like items, the above list is going to get redundant, so I'm adding a new "end of the week" list. Item's it's killed me not to eat, that I could have:
- The boy's leftover tacos that I made fresh tonight
- The boy's leftover burger and french fries from last Thursday
- "Bag fries" from yesterday
- That unopened tub of guacamole, staring at me, every time I open my refrigerator
- The corned beef and cabbage, from Pete's Tavern, on St. Patty's Day
- Meijer buttered pretzel braids
- A Little Cesar's Bread stick
The food got to me today. I was constantly hungry and had brief moments where I thought "nobody is around, maybe a sandwich wouldn't hurt." I also had worries that I won't make it to Day 40. Thankfully those moments quickly passed but they rattled me.
Not a lot of time with J.C. today - hopefully tomorrow will be better. I did work a little on my 2nd task. I expressed anger and frustrations towards employees, I did not overuse candor or sarcasm. One of my older brother's told me that he tries to utilize conversation as a tool rather than a sport. My problem is that I'm overly willing too and enjoy experience conversation more as a cage fight - a cage fight is more extreme than I typically communicate but it gets the point across.
Just to the keep the record clear: As of Day-14, I'm not eating solids, I'm working on keeping my opinions to my self / being sensitive towards other, I'm trying to pray more, I'm focusing more on Jesus and searching for answers to question I'm not what to ask. All this makes me wonder if Lent will leave me any free time by Day-40?
Random Notes: Started the day at 200, will finish around 2200 calories (I was really hungry all day). Also, I'm not going to start pureeing a bunch of things, but if you puree it and give it to me, I'll try it - well, maybe.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Day-13: My Betty White Moments
Starting in 2010 Snickers commercials featured the tag line "you're not you when you're hungry"; my favorite commercial features Betty White, in a game of back yard football. Linked here: Betty White
While my situation isn't the exact same, I've come to mentally call odd moments my "Betty White Moments" where I know a decrease in nutritional need is affecting my mental or emotional state of being. More simply stated, not eating solids can make me moody! To my understanding I have not become erratic or unbalanced, but I'll verify and monitor with those close to me. Mostly, I crash more easily or am sometimes flustered at things that typically do not phase me. The reason that Snickers comes to mind so quickly is because a Snickers bar would quickly fix the situation.
A normal Snickers bar has 28.8g of sugar and 34.5g of carbs, so the energy hits you fast. They also contain 271 calories with 13.6g of fat and 5.2g or saturated fat so the calories burn hot and strong. I would not want to supplement a typical diet with Snickers, but in pinch, they work great.
In college, when cutting weight for wrestling and struggling before practice started, I used to eat a Snickers bar and by the time it wore off, adrenaline carried me the rest of the way. Nowadays, I don't have that option and I'm typically crashing after adrenaline. V8, Fruit Juice and Slimfast are great supplements to my diet but not so great as emergency pick-me-ups. If crashing I know that I have to be patient, which is not always easy. Kids and clients are not sympathetic to a daily random crash. The same holds true for a mood swings; by the time I've become aware that a mood swing is occurring, my nutritional needs are so messed up that it takes 45-minutes to balance it out.
Thankfully I realized the need for structure and routine caloric intake around Day-3 and stick to a regimented schedule as best I can. I mostly get off track when intensely working on a big project or if I stay up late and do not drink a shake before bed.
A first glace Betty White has little to do with Jesus Christ, but I can tell you it is HARD to look for Jesus when you are mentally road raging, at Honda Civic, that is inconsiderately driving the posted speed limit, when heading to the bank. Also, you do not focus well on spiritual needs when your inner mantra is chanting "eat a snickers, eat a snickers, eat a snickers, eat a snicker." As it turns out, Betty White has a lot of influence with this Lenten experience and I need to pay attention to what I do, in order to keep her out of it.
Random Notes: Started the day at 200 Lbs, will finish around 2,000 calories, thanks heavily to a McDonald's Shake. Also, "if you threw a party and invited everyone you knew. You would see, the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say: 'thank you, for being a friend'"
While my situation isn't the exact same, I've come to mentally call odd moments my "Betty White Moments" where I know a decrease in nutritional need is affecting my mental or emotional state of being. More simply stated, not eating solids can make me moody! To my understanding I have not become erratic or unbalanced, but I'll verify and monitor with those close to me. Mostly, I crash more easily or am sometimes flustered at things that typically do not phase me. The reason that Snickers comes to mind so quickly is because a Snickers bar would quickly fix the situation.
A normal Snickers bar has 28.8g of sugar and 34.5g of carbs, so the energy hits you fast. They also contain 271 calories with 13.6g of fat and 5.2g or saturated fat so the calories burn hot and strong. I would not want to supplement a typical diet with Snickers, but in pinch, they work great.
In college, when cutting weight for wrestling and struggling before practice started, I used to eat a Snickers bar and by the time it wore off, adrenaline carried me the rest of the way. Nowadays, I don't have that option and I'm typically crashing after adrenaline. V8, Fruit Juice and Slimfast are great supplements to my diet but not so great as emergency pick-me-ups. If crashing I know that I have to be patient, which is not always easy. Kids and clients are not sympathetic to a daily random crash. The same holds true for a mood swings; by the time I've become aware that a mood swing is occurring, my nutritional needs are so messed up that it takes 45-minutes to balance it out.
Thankfully I realized the need for structure and routine caloric intake around Day-3 and stick to a regimented schedule as best I can. I mostly get off track when intensely working on a big project or if I stay up late and do not drink a shake before bed.
A first glace Betty White has little to do with Jesus Christ, but I can tell you it is HARD to look for Jesus when you are mentally road raging, at Honda Civic, that is inconsiderately driving the posted speed limit, when heading to the bank. Also, you do not focus well on spiritual needs when your inner mantra is chanting "eat a snickers, eat a snickers, eat a snickers, eat a snicker." As it turns out, Betty White has a lot of influence with this Lenten experience and I need to pay attention to what I do, in order to keep her out of it.
Random Notes: Started the day at 200 Lbs, will finish around 2,000 calories, thanks heavily to a McDonald's Shake. Also, "if you threw a party and invited everyone you knew. You would see, the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say: 'thank you, for being a friend'"
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Day-12: The Food Network is Hotter Than Victoria's Secret Photo Shoot
Okay, so it's 10:08 at night and Daniel just got out of bed and is now sitting on the couch watching Iron Chef America, on mute, asking us to explain the techniques that the chefs are using. How do you get upset about a 3-year old wanting to expand his culinary horizons?
10:12 - Daniel's back in bed - let's hope it lasts.
Despite not allowing myself to currently indulge in any suggestion that Food Network inspires, I still love watching it. Like most viewers, I'm continually jealous of the judges on these shows, sign me up! I'll eat what an Iron Chef cooks, any day of the week! When starting the season of Lent I was worried that I would not be able to watch the Food Network, in fear that it would be torturous. Happily, not eating solids is not that difficult and the Food Network is not torturous.
Today is Sunday and our boys are sick, we did not go to Church or to my in-laws for lunch. It was a relaxing family day that limited my exposure to people who do not reside at 7153 Osprey. Small Children only speak candor and sarcasm is lost on them. After being together 8-years, Beth and I understand one another very well, with Beth my candor and sarcasm is rarely utilized. What all this means is that I had no opportunity to see how the bruises below my waist have started to effect me. Tomorrow I will have to deal with employees, most of whom draw various degrees of sarcasm, my self-improvement does not exclude employees, tomorrow will be interesting.
The hard thing about filtering my mouth will not be "keeping it shut." The hard part will be deciding if it would have been better to have called out the elephant or joked around, rather than being quiet. Not being candid isn't as easily monitored as adjusting a cooking recipe or setting a room temperature. Monitoring will require a lot of speculation of "would my typical ways have made the situation better?"
I can't ignore the way that this came to the forefront of my mind and I am now certain that it carries more weight with my soul because of Lent, but how it effects me will take prayer and patience. Since I have not been eating I have been thinking more about the Lord and my relationship with him. I know not everything I do glorifies the Lord and I'm nearly always aware when my immediate actions are not for the Lord, but for myself. I don't consider self indulgence evil but I just know there always more glorifying options. I don't imagine that I'll ever be a zealot, but there is a spectrum of gray between the black & white of zealot & heathen that I happily subscribe to.
I don't believe that God is talking to me more now than he has in the past and I don't believe that God is talking to me more than he does anybody else, I think I'm just finding what I'm searching for. I'm listing for the white noise in a quite room that is always there: the internal hum of electricity in an appliance, the wind outside, a distant car, a floor creek, etc. Like the white noise, if you don't listen for God, you'll rarely hear him.
Listening can be scary, you don't always want to hear what is being said. If it is coming from God, how do you ignore it? Like my metaphysical kick in the crotch exposed, hearing something about you that you are so comfortable with but should work on or at least contemplate. It's not a situation that you just grin and bare, it takes your breath away and must be recovered from. It is scary and hard.
Random Notes: Started the day at 202, will end around 1700 calories. Also, I had some cream of broccoli soup from one of those Campbell Sippy Cans... mmmmmmm 10:57 pm and Daniel stayed in bed.
10:12 - Daniel's back in bed - let's hope it lasts.
Despite not allowing myself to currently indulge in any suggestion that Food Network inspires, I still love watching it. Like most viewers, I'm continually jealous of the judges on these shows, sign me up! I'll eat what an Iron Chef cooks, any day of the week! When starting the season of Lent I was worried that I would not be able to watch the Food Network, in fear that it would be torturous. Happily, not eating solids is not that difficult and the Food Network is not torturous.
Today is Sunday and our boys are sick, we did not go to Church or to my in-laws for lunch. It was a relaxing family day that limited my exposure to people who do not reside at 7153 Osprey. Small Children only speak candor and sarcasm is lost on them. After being together 8-years, Beth and I understand one another very well, with Beth my candor and sarcasm is rarely utilized. What all this means is that I had no opportunity to see how the bruises below my waist have started to effect me. Tomorrow I will have to deal with employees, most of whom draw various degrees of sarcasm, my self-improvement does not exclude employees, tomorrow will be interesting.
The hard thing about filtering my mouth will not be "keeping it shut." The hard part will be deciding if it would have been better to have called out the elephant or joked around, rather than being quiet. Not being candid isn't as easily monitored as adjusting a cooking recipe or setting a room temperature. Monitoring will require a lot of speculation of "would my typical ways have made the situation better?"
I can't ignore the way that this came to the forefront of my mind and I am now certain that it carries more weight with my soul because of Lent, but how it effects me will take prayer and patience. Since I have not been eating I have been thinking more about the Lord and my relationship with him. I know not everything I do glorifies the Lord and I'm nearly always aware when my immediate actions are not for the Lord, but for myself. I don't consider self indulgence evil but I just know there always more glorifying options. I don't imagine that I'll ever be a zealot, but there is a spectrum of gray between the black & white of zealot & heathen that I happily subscribe to.
I don't believe that God is talking to me more now than he has in the past and I don't believe that God is talking to me more than he does anybody else, I think I'm just finding what I'm searching for. I'm listing for the white noise in a quite room that is always there: the internal hum of electricity in an appliance, the wind outside, a distant car, a floor creek, etc. Like the white noise, if you don't listen for God, you'll rarely hear him.
Listening can be scary, you don't always want to hear what is being said. If it is coming from God, how do you ignore it? Like my metaphysical kick in the crotch exposed, hearing something about you that you are so comfortable with but should work on or at least contemplate. It's not a situation that you just grin and bare, it takes your breath away and must be recovered from. It is scary and hard.
Random Notes: Started the day at 202, will end around 1700 calories. Also, I had some cream of broccoli soup from one of those Campbell Sippy Cans... mmmmmmm 10:57 pm and Daniel stayed in bed.
Day-11: A Swift Kick In The Crotch
No - I did not eat any food on Day-11 and I apologize in advance for the lack of levity in this post.
I struggle for the proper protocol when blogging the following day. Do I write in present tense or past tense? You'll notice that I sometimes bounce back and forth and for any grammar Nazis out there; I'm sorry.
Somebody very close to me recently made a purchase and I questioned its rationale. From my perspective, they overspent. It is a quality product bought for a reasonable price, but the product is overkill and will always be overkill for what they need. I expressed my concerns and they rightfully retorted that they saved up, knew what they were getting, knew that it is overkill, wanted it anyway and is happy to have purchased it. I admitted that they were correct; I was sorry and I need to work more on filtering my thoughts, before they come out of my mouth. To which the kick in the crotch came:
"Maybe since not eating is so easy, you should of gave that (being unfiltered) up for Lent."
Candor - Often I struggle with sugar coating things, I nearly always call out the elephant in the room. As I've gotten older, more established, experienced and professional, I've become more confident and even less aware of how people react to and feelings towards candor.
Sarcasm - With candor comes sarcasm and it's dangerous because often it is not well received. It is especially missed in text - since you can't text the tone of your thought / voice, a sarcastic text is nearly always taken the wrong way.
Three times this week my Candor / Sarcasm has slapped me across the face by negatively effecting people that I care about. With the Bible, theologians are so confident in the symbolism and power of the number "3", that it is commonly accepted as rule of divine perfection. Lent is about strengthening my relationship with God. If I can better myself than I can better my relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To ignore what is so clearly a way to improve myself would be wasteful of the 11 solid-less days I've already endured and possibly cancel out the next 29.
I can't say that without participating in Lent, my lesson learned on Day-11 would have missed, but I also can't say that it wouldn't have. Without my current journey I'm positive it would not have effected me as it has. I've spoken with candor and been sarcastic as far back as I can remember, its been a trait that many people both admire and hate about me. It is something that I use often and think more people should and I've always known that I'm in the minority with this thought.
I do not know how this is going to play out, how my personality will shift or even if it will. But I know where improvements await, I have an idea of where I need to go and most importantly, I know who to ask "how do I get there?"
Random Notes: Started the Day at 201 - will finish around 2100 calories. And for those stung by my sarcasm or embarrassed by my candor, I'm sorry to have hurt your feelings and will work to not hurt them in the future.
I struggle for the proper protocol when blogging the following day. Do I write in present tense or past tense? You'll notice that I sometimes bounce back and forth and for any grammar Nazis out there; I'm sorry.
Somebody very close to me recently made a purchase and I questioned its rationale. From my perspective, they overspent. It is a quality product bought for a reasonable price, but the product is overkill and will always be overkill for what they need. I expressed my concerns and they rightfully retorted that they saved up, knew what they were getting, knew that it is overkill, wanted it anyway and is happy to have purchased it. I admitted that they were correct; I was sorry and I need to work more on filtering my thoughts, before they come out of my mouth. To which the kick in the crotch came:
"Maybe since not eating is so easy, you should of gave that (being unfiltered) up for Lent."
Candor - Often I struggle with sugar coating things, I nearly always call out the elephant in the room. As I've gotten older, more established, experienced and professional, I've become more confident and even less aware of how people react to and feelings towards candor.
Sarcasm - With candor comes sarcasm and it's dangerous because often it is not well received. It is especially missed in text - since you can't text the tone of your thought / voice, a sarcastic text is nearly always taken the wrong way.
Three times this week my Candor / Sarcasm has slapped me across the face by negatively effecting people that I care about. With the Bible, theologians are so confident in the symbolism and power of the number "3", that it is commonly accepted as rule of divine perfection. Lent is about strengthening my relationship with God. If I can better myself than I can better my relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To ignore what is so clearly a way to improve myself would be wasteful of the 11 solid-less days I've already endured and possibly cancel out the next 29.
I can't say that without participating in Lent, my lesson learned on Day-11 would have missed, but I also can't say that it wouldn't have. Without my current journey I'm positive it would not have effected me as it has. I've spoken with candor and been sarcastic as far back as I can remember, its been a trait that many people both admire and hate about me. It is something that I use often and think more people should and I've always known that I'm in the minority with this thought.
I do not know how this is going to play out, how my personality will shift or even if it will. But I know where improvements await, I have an idea of where I need to go and most importantly, I know who to ask "how do I get there?"
Random Notes: Started the Day at 201 - will finish around 2100 calories. And for those stung by my sarcasm or embarrassed by my candor, I'm sorry to have hurt your feelings and will work to not hurt them in the future.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Day-10 (Early Addition): 1/4 Of The Way Done & It's Friday!
It's Friday @ 3:50 PM and I'm celebrating the weekend with a beer. I'd be heading home but I'm waiting on a call from a Vendor. I don't feel like working, so I'll blog.
After surviving Corned Beef and Cabbage last night and the smell of my office manager's lunch today, I know that I'm not going to slip up tonight. BTW - Kyle, my office manger, had a pasta bowl and bread sticks from Pizza Hut. His lunch totaled over 2,000 calories. Through a wall and closed door, Kyle's lunch still smelled like it was worth every last one of those butter stuffed, salt coated, creamy carb filled bites, I wanted to lick the cardboard box it came in.
When I write at night I've noticed that I find time to reflect before and during my writing. When writing the next morning or in the afternoon it's rushed and I tend to just type what pops into my head. Beth and most people who know me well, would advise that I not type unfiltered; that is probably sound advice and I'll compromise by not getting real deep right now.
It's been a hectic week and I have not consumed any solids in 10 days. Despite having adequate calories and nutrients, I am always hungry. Through the chaos of work, Daniel's pneumonia, Lent and being Irish, I still find that I am thinking more of God, our relationship, looking for him around me and asking "why am I doing this?", "where is my path taking me?", "is this what I'm supposed to be doing?". These questions are hard because sometimes I know the answer and I don't always like what they are. Change can be easy but correcting what I don't like does not always seem like the best course of action. So like the busy week requires, I'll wait and hope for clarity tomorrow.
Random Notes: Started the day at 202. As of 4:08 PM I've had 780 Calories, will probably finish about 1600. Have a great weekend!
After surviving Corned Beef and Cabbage last night and the smell of my office manager's lunch today, I know that I'm not going to slip up tonight. BTW - Kyle, my office manger, had a pasta bowl and bread sticks from Pizza Hut. His lunch totaled over 2,000 calories. Through a wall and closed door, Kyle's lunch still smelled like it was worth every last one of those butter stuffed, salt coated, creamy carb filled bites, I wanted to lick the cardboard box it came in.
When I write at night I've noticed that I find time to reflect before and during my writing. When writing the next morning or in the afternoon it's rushed and I tend to just type what pops into my head. Beth and most people who know me well, would advise that I not type unfiltered; that is probably sound advice and I'll compromise by not getting real deep right now.
It's been a hectic week and I have not consumed any solids in 10 days. Despite having adequate calories and nutrients, I am always hungry. Through the chaos of work, Daniel's pneumonia, Lent and being Irish, I still find that I am thinking more of God, our relationship, looking for him around me and asking "why am I doing this?", "where is my path taking me?", "is this what I'm supposed to be doing?". These questions are hard because sometimes I know the answer and I don't always like what they are. Change can be easy but correcting what I don't like does not always seem like the best course of action. So like the busy week requires, I'll wait and hope for clarity tomorrow.
Random Notes: Started the day at 202. As of 4:08 PM I've had 780 Calories, will probably finish about 1600. Have a great weekend!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Day-9: It's Good To Be Irish
Despite the fact that Corned Beef and Cabbage is one of my ALL-TIME favorite meals, Day-9 will both end a success and include the lion's share of 3 pitchers, of green beer!
Beth and I went out to Pete's Tavern with some friends (most of whom do not read this) and in addition to the green beer, Pete's had corned beer and cabbage on the menu. Pete's also had some crazy old lady, dressed in green, playing the accordion table-side, which is somehow festive?
Prior to going out to Pete's, Beth was able to work from home today and watch Daniel, so that I was able to go into the office. Despite not having the additional stress of caring for Daniel, I didn't have much time for self enlightenment and have nothing new to add. I did get into a discussion with a friend about why I don't take Sunday's off from my fasting. To me, the idea of taking Sunday's off in a sacrifice for Lent is silly; every 7th-Day, during his 40-Days, Jesus didn't call out "Hey Beelzebub, it's the 7th-Day, how about the bread, cheese, water and a nice steak!" So, I want to do 40 consecutive days.
This weekend, I should get some reflective time to focus on the "why" of what I'm doing. As I get more insight of the situation, I'll be sharing it with you.
Random Notes: Started the day at 202 lbs - lost the calorie count, but between the McDonald's Shamrock Shake and Green Beer, will finish the day on a 9-Day high.
P.S. It's good to be Irish.
Beth and I went out to Pete's Tavern with some friends (most of whom do not read this) and in addition to the green beer, Pete's had corned beer and cabbage on the menu. Pete's also had some crazy old lady, dressed in green, playing the accordion table-side, which is somehow festive?
Prior to going out to Pete's, Beth was able to work from home today and watch Daniel, so that I was able to go into the office. Despite not having the additional stress of caring for Daniel, I didn't have much time for self enlightenment and have nothing new to add. I did get into a discussion with a friend about why I don't take Sunday's off from my fasting. To me, the idea of taking Sunday's off in a sacrifice for Lent is silly; every 7th-Day, during his 40-Days, Jesus didn't call out "Hey Beelzebub, it's the 7th-Day, how about the bread, cheese, water and a nice steak!" So, I want to do 40 consecutive days.
This weekend, I should get some reflective time to focus on the "why" of what I'm doing. As I get more insight of the situation, I'll be sharing it with you.
Random Notes: Started the day at 202 lbs - lost the calorie count, but between the McDonald's Shamrock Shake and Green Beer, will finish the day on a 9-Day high.
P.S. It's good to be Irish.
Day-8: The Battle of 2 Shakes
Time for a round of point - counterpoint. The participants: A homemade chocolate (SF) Slimfast shake and a (MD) McDonald's medium chocolate shake.
Cost: SF $0.98 / MD $2.85
Size: SF 8 oz / MD 20 oz
Calories: SF 200 / MD 725
Total Fat (Saturated Fat) w/ % of Daily Value: SF 4g 6% (1g 4%) / 17.5g 26% (10g 51%)
Sugar: SF 22g / MD 105g
Most Nutritional Thing About It: SF Go to it's website, the stuff is great for you / MD 128g (43% Daily Value) of Carbs - total energy
Thoughts After Finishing: SF "That should hold me for another three hours" / MD "I'm loading my sick son with pneumonia back in the car to get another one"
Taste: SF "ehh, decent chocolate milk, beats ovaltine" / MD "Lord, thank you for creating Ray Kroc, having him take over and grow McDonalds to what it is today"
Winner: McDonald's Medium Chocolate Shake
In case you couldn't tell, I enjoyed a one of McDonald's Triple Thick Medium Chocolate Shakes and it was delicious.
Day-8 Was a success - I haven't given any thought to what the title of my blog entry will be if I ever trip up and eat some solids, but I'm sure it will be evident what has happend.
Day-8 was also pretty uneventful in terms of me and my Lenten experience. Daniel has a slight case of pneumonia so I spent the day looking after him and trying to keep my builders happy with me. Those two tasks did not leave any leftover time for self reflection. About 8:15 PM an event made me realize that 8-Days is a long time to go without solids - Beth made a Hot Pocket and it smelled so good that my stomach lurched. When a Hot Pocket has that much culinary power, that person is seriously missing food.
As comedian Jim Gaffigan said "I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterward, been, 'I'm glad I ate that.'"
Random notes: Started the day at 204 lbs, 36" waist... tell you what, I'll stop writing 36" waist and just let you know when I'm a 34" waist. Finished the day about 1800 calories (includes the MD Shake) and looking forward to St. Patties Day!
Cost: SF $0.98 / MD $2.85
Size: SF 8 oz / MD 20 oz
Calories: SF 200 / MD 725
Total Fat (Saturated Fat) w/ % of Daily Value: SF 4g 6% (1g 4%) / 17.5g 26% (10g 51%)
Sugar: SF 22g / MD 105g
Most Nutritional Thing About It: SF Go to it's website, the stuff is great for you / MD 128g (43% Daily Value) of Carbs - total energy
Thoughts After Finishing: SF "That should hold me for another three hours" / MD "I'm loading my sick son with pneumonia back in the car to get another one"
Taste: SF "ehh, decent chocolate milk, beats ovaltine" / MD "Lord, thank you for creating Ray Kroc, having him take over and grow McDonalds to what it is today"
Winner: McDonald's Medium Chocolate Shake
In case you couldn't tell, I enjoyed a one of McDonald's Triple Thick Medium Chocolate Shakes and it was delicious.
Day-8 Was a success - I haven't given any thought to what the title of my blog entry will be if I ever trip up and eat some solids, but I'm sure it will be evident what has happend.
Day-8 was also pretty uneventful in terms of me and my Lenten experience. Daniel has a slight case of pneumonia so I spent the day looking after him and trying to keep my builders happy with me. Those two tasks did not leave any leftover time for self reflection. About 8:15 PM an event made me realize that 8-Days is a long time to go without solids - Beth made a Hot Pocket and it smelled so good that my stomach lurched. When a Hot Pocket has that much culinary power, that person is seriously missing food.
As comedian Jim Gaffigan said "I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterward, been, 'I'm glad I ate that.'"
Random notes: Started the day at 204 lbs, 36" waist... tell you what, I'll stop writing 36" waist and just let you know when I'm a 34" waist. Finished the day about 1800 calories (includes the MD Shake) and looking forward to St. Patties Day!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Day-7: The Things I've Been Tempted to Shove Down My Taste Hole
Day-7 of my self-denial of solid foods is almost over and like Days 2-6, I was never seriously close to eating anything. That isn't to say that I don't want to eat food, because I do, very badly. I just know that I have no problem drinking some V8 as oppose to crunching an apple or a handful of chips. However, I do have flashes of impulse that at the very least press my self-prescribed parameters.
The List (Keep in mind I have not done any of these):
- A spoonful of Mayo: after all, I could suck it through a straw and the spoon is just it's transport from the bottle to my lips
- Blended McDonald's French Fries: luckily to avoid this issue I've pretty much ruled out blending
- Beth's Fingers After Eating Chex Mix: Straight up, she'd of hit me so I didn't do it
- Meijer Butter Pretzel Braids: Opened a new bag for Daniel, they smelled so good
- Ketchup off Daniel's Plate: Kind of desperate
- The Inside of a Cadbury Creme Egg: If Lent didn't end before Easter I would
- A Blended Double Cheese Burger w/ Extra Pickles: See French Fries
- The Peanut Butter Off of The Knife Used to Make The Boy's a PB&J: Puts me just one step away from bottle feeding all condiments to myself
That's it for week one of: "The Things I've Been Tempted to Shove Down My Taste Hole". In regards to the "no blending" rule - I break it w/ blueberries. Upon consulting my doctor he told me that I'll need the good carbs that berries have, to keep my energy up. I happen to have frozen blueberries in my freezer, so once a day they go into a blended Slimfast shake.
Today I thought a little more about the "why I'm doing this?" and it kind of scared me. Upon examination, a very strong emotion was complacency. I said to myself, "I'm doing it, I've proved I can do it, now it's just a matter of time." I thought that since I had forecast that I was going to do it and now I'm doing it, why does the "why" matter? But it has to matter, otherwise I'm just doing one of the stupidest diets since "Cabbage soup and watermelon" and at the end of Day-40, I don't want the last 6-Weeks to have been about sad, shallow, vanity.
I won't miss my double chin (it won't be gone long) or that I'll be near my wedding weight, those are a couple perks. But I was healthy in my body before I started this and very happy with how I look and feel. I do need the "why", because when it is over the "why" is what will make the occasional mood swings (to be blogged about another day), the inconvenience of not eating, the 74 times I pee a day, or the redundant taste of liquid meals, all worth it. The "why" is how Jesus, my Lord and savior, ties it all together. When I take the diet out of the equation it gets confusing, but it should still add up. Blogging helps me to try and makes sense of everything and I'm now realizing that it helps hold me accountable for the "why". Without the blog I'd would have completed the diet successfully, but I think after 40-Days, it would have just been a weird diet.
I didn't pray for weeks on end asking God to tell me what to give up for Lent. In fact, I don't recall when, but one day I just spouted out that I'd give up solid foods for Lent and I didn't one pray about it. I now pray about it and though this journey wasn't founded by prayer, hopefully it will be clarified and completed with it.
I don't know... maybe today helped me to realize that diet is easy, it just takes patience and determination, stuff that I already knew that I had. That like the spoon with the mayo, the diet is just the vessel to get God more on my mind, I don't know... maybe.
I'm hoping that "why" eventually transitions into "what now" and again to "alright let's do it" - I am pretty sure that after Day-40 the road hasn't ended.
Random Notes: Started the day at 203 lbs, 36" waist (FYI, I have wide hips and I'm still at least 15 lbs from being a 34" waist). My muscles are slow to recover from the lift, which is sad but good to know. I'll ended around 1500 calories today and I'm wondering if I can get a Slimfast endorsement when this is all over.
The List (Keep in mind I have not done any of these):
- A spoonful of Mayo: after all, I could suck it through a straw and the spoon is just it's transport from the bottle to my lips
- Blended McDonald's French Fries: luckily to avoid this issue I've pretty much ruled out blending
- Beth's Fingers After Eating Chex Mix: Straight up, she'd of hit me so I didn't do it
- Meijer Butter Pretzel Braids: Opened a new bag for Daniel, they smelled so good
- Ketchup off Daniel's Plate: Kind of desperate
- The Inside of a Cadbury Creme Egg: If Lent didn't end before Easter I would
- A Blended Double Cheese Burger w/ Extra Pickles: See French Fries
- The Peanut Butter Off of The Knife Used to Make The Boy's a PB&J: Puts me just one step away from bottle feeding all condiments to myself
That's it for week one of: "The Things I've Been Tempted to Shove Down My Taste Hole". In regards to the "no blending" rule - I break it w/ blueberries. Upon consulting my doctor he told me that I'll need the good carbs that berries have, to keep my energy up. I happen to have frozen blueberries in my freezer, so once a day they go into a blended Slimfast shake.
Today I thought a little more about the "why I'm doing this?" and it kind of scared me. Upon examination, a very strong emotion was complacency. I said to myself, "I'm doing it, I've proved I can do it, now it's just a matter of time." I thought that since I had forecast that I was going to do it and now I'm doing it, why does the "why" matter? But it has to matter, otherwise I'm just doing one of the stupidest diets since "Cabbage soup and watermelon" and at the end of Day-40, I don't want the last 6-Weeks to have been about sad, shallow, vanity.
I won't miss my double chin (it won't be gone long) or that I'll be near my wedding weight, those are a couple perks. But I was healthy in my body before I started this and very happy with how I look and feel. I do need the "why", because when it is over the "why" is what will make the occasional mood swings (to be blogged about another day), the inconvenience of not eating, the 74 times I pee a day, or the redundant taste of liquid meals, all worth it. The "why" is how Jesus, my Lord and savior, ties it all together. When I take the diet out of the equation it gets confusing, but it should still add up. Blogging helps me to try and makes sense of everything and I'm now realizing that it helps hold me accountable for the "why". Without the blog I'd would have completed the diet successfully, but I think after 40-Days, it would have just been a weird diet.
I didn't pray for weeks on end asking God to tell me what to give up for Lent. In fact, I don't recall when, but one day I just spouted out that I'd give up solid foods for Lent and I didn't one pray about it. I now pray about it and though this journey wasn't founded by prayer, hopefully it will be clarified and completed with it.
I don't know... maybe today helped me to realize that diet is easy, it just takes patience and determination, stuff that I already knew that I had. That like the spoon with the mayo, the diet is just the vessel to get God more on my mind, I don't know... maybe.
I'm hoping that "why" eventually transitions into "what now" and again to "alright let's do it" - I am pretty sure that after Day-40 the road hasn't ended.
Random Notes: Started the day at 203 lbs, 36" waist (FYI, I have wide hips and I'm still at least 15 lbs from being a 34" waist). My muscles are slow to recover from the lift, which is sad but good to know. I'll ended around 1500 calories today and I'm wondering if I can get a Slimfast endorsement when this is all over.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Day-6: Almost Defeated by Veggie Tales?
Kinda, it was broccoli, but I wasn't defeated, I can sleep happily, just hungry. It was more of a slip of concentration rather than hunger. I was cooking broccoli for Beth and checked to see if it was the correct consistency, by taking a bite, however I realized my error before it hit my throat, the floret ended up in the sink and my mouth was rinsed with Budweiser.
Overall, in terms of my fasting, Day-6 was pretty uneventful. No real struggles, I'm pretty used to liquids and my doctor is even interested in seeing the final outcome. My day outside of the fast was busy and hectic, creating little time for contemplation. If by day 25 I'm yet to report any noteworthy revelations will somebody please remind me as to why I'm doing this in the first place? I can accept getting used to the system and an occasional busy day to delay progress, but at some point and time I should have at least one deep thought.
Started the day at 204 lbs, 36" waist. Going to finish closer to 2,000 calories. I did lift with my neighbor today and was not hindered by the lack of solids. We've only been lifting for about a month and we are both still showing the rapid progress of getting back into the swing of things. I'm curious to see how my muscle recovery is come morning and how my lifting stamina is on Wednesday (we lift 2x a week).
Overall, in terms of my fasting, Day-6 was pretty uneventful. No real struggles, I'm pretty used to liquids and my doctor is even interested in seeing the final outcome. My day outside of the fast was busy and hectic, creating little time for contemplation. If by day 25 I'm yet to report any noteworthy revelations will somebody please remind me as to why I'm doing this in the first place? I can accept getting used to the system and an occasional busy day to delay progress, but at some point and time I should have at least one deep thought.
Started the day at 204 lbs, 36" waist. Going to finish closer to 2,000 calories. I did lift with my neighbor today and was not hindered by the lack of solids. We've only been lifting for about a month and we are both still showing the rapid progress of getting back into the swing of things. I'm curious to see how my muscle recovery is come morning and how my lifting stamina is on Wednesday (we lift 2x a week).
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Day-5: Passed with Flying Colors - Still, I want a freaking Cheeseburger
Okay, so the day isn't officially over - still, I'm not going to eat any solids before I go to sleep. Though I can tell you that 5-Days with no solid foods is not nearly as much fun as you might think it is. You might say "Slimfast never gets old" or "Who wouldn't love going pee 74 times a day?" or even "Jesus did it for 40 without a blog to whine on" but you'd be wrong.
Truly, five days is not as bad as you'd think. So far, Day-1 has been the most challenging, but I'm expecting days 10-13 to be the worst. I've kicked the habit of grabbing a handful of whatever is on the counter as I walk by and I have no issues making for for Beth or the boys, but for no obvious reason I think next Friday through Monday will be rough.
Still no spiritual, self fulfilling, theological or inspirational revelations - just "Jesus didn't have Slimfast."
I have started to wonder the actual date I'm going to start food again and I'm a little torn on the issue. At the start of this endeavor I decided that I was going to go 40 straight days, no breaks. The problem is that I started on Ash Wednesday, which would make April 17th my 40th Day and Monday, April 18th, my first day of food. Easter Sunday is April 24th, Good Friday is April 22nd. Seeing as this isn't a typical Protestant Reformed tradition and I wasn't handed a manual, not counting the Bible, I'm doing this on my own. Wiki tells me that most Catholics have "mini Easters" on the six Sundays leading up to Easter, ending Lent with Easter, so they get 40 Days that are just not consecutive. Some other religions go from the Monday following Ash Wednesday to Good Friday (40 Days), without breaks. Had I more forethought beyond buying a case of Slimfast and V8 last Tuesday, I probably would have waited till tomorrow to start, but since I'm already 5-Days in, I'm not going to go get a Double Whopper right now and restart the clock tomorrow (though the idea makes my mouth water).
At this point at time I'm not sure when I'm going to eat next and not really concerned, I'm sure by day 37 or so, I'll have it figured out. I know that some people would break out in hives not having an exit plan in place but for now I'm focusing on other things.
Random Notes: Started at 204 lbs, 36" waist, will finish with about 1800 calories. I knew first 5-7 lbs were food / water weight, I don't expect it to fall off quite so quickly from here on out.
Truly, five days is not as bad as you'd think. So far, Day-1 has been the most challenging, but I'm expecting days 10-13 to be the worst. I've kicked the habit of grabbing a handful of whatever is on the counter as I walk by and I have no issues making for for Beth or the boys, but for no obvious reason I think next Friday through Monday will be rough.
Still no spiritual, self fulfilling, theological or inspirational revelations - just "Jesus didn't have Slimfast."
I have started to wonder the actual date I'm going to start food again and I'm a little torn on the issue. At the start of this endeavor I decided that I was going to go 40 straight days, no breaks. The problem is that I started on Ash Wednesday, which would make April 17th my 40th Day and Monday, April 18th, my first day of food. Easter Sunday is April 24th, Good Friday is April 22nd. Seeing as this isn't a typical Protestant Reformed tradition and I wasn't handed a manual, not counting the Bible, I'm doing this on my own. Wiki tells me that most Catholics have "mini Easters" on the six Sundays leading up to Easter, ending Lent with Easter, so they get 40 Days that are just not consecutive. Some other religions go from the Monday following Ash Wednesday to Good Friday (40 Days), without breaks. Had I more forethought beyond buying a case of Slimfast and V8 last Tuesday, I probably would have waited till tomorrow to start, but since I'm already 5-Days in, I'm not going to go get a Double Whopper right now and restart the clock tomorrow (though the idea makes my mouth water).
At this point at time I'm not sure when I'm going to eat next and not really concerned, I'm sure by day 37 or so, I'll have it figured out. I know that some people would break out in hives not having an exit plan in place but for now I'm focusing on other things.
Random Notes: Started at 204 lbs, 36" waist, will finish with about 1800 calories. I knew first 5-7 lbs were food / water weight, I don't expect it to fall off quite so quickly from here on out.
Day-4: Chex Mix Has Never Smelled So Good
And I cleared my first Saturday.
While sitting on the couch last night, watching Robin Hood with Beth, I couldn't help but drool over the Chex Mix that she was snacking on. Mind you, this batch is well over a week old and down to the crumbs, but I could smell the salty, buttery goodness that was dusting her fingers... Even walking into a kitchen where a homemade batch is baking fresh, I have never wanted to grab a handful of Chex more than I did last night on couch. On more than one occasions I was fighting the urge to lick Beth's fingers for her!
Saturday was a pretty low key day for us; it was filled with family time, which is something we haven't had on a Saturday in a while and missed. We watched cartoons, went to the library, had lunch and during the boy's nap time, Beth went to Target / Costco and I made Vegetable Ham soup, just so I could drink the broth :)
It was pretty simple: 1 stick of butter, 2 tbsp of olive oil, 2 tsp of minced garlic, 1/2 a white onion (chopped), 15 baby carrots (chopped), 1/3 a head of broccoli, 1 can of Italian diced tomatoes, 1 box of chicken stock, 1 Ham steak (cubed), water, salt, pepper, celery salt, parsley, and liquid smoke to taste. I let it simmer for about 2 hours and strained off some broth. Beth correctly pointed out that it was a lot of effort just to drink some broth, but to have a substitute to V8 and Slimfast is worth the effort at times :)
Regrettably, I didn't spend much time thinking about the "why am I doing this" and focused mostly on "hey, I am still doing this." I was hoping that Church might help me with the "why" but Daniel started (and is now thankfully over) a bug that spiked his temperature up to 103.2, so Church was missed today. This week I'll continue to keep my mind open, stomach empty and tongue salivating.
Some other random notes: Started the day at 204 lbs, 36" waist, finished the day with about 1800 calories. 2 Beers still got right to my head. Dehydrogenation is an issue when not eating solids and I need to consciously drink more water. Advertisers are against me (BK Stacker is now only $1.00 per layer) and despite I'm not eating, I still love to watch cooking shows!
While sitting on the couch last night, watching Robin Hood with Beth, I couldn't help but drool over the Chex Mix that she was snacking on. Mind you, this batch is well over a week old and down to the crumbs, but I could smell the salty, buttery goodness that was dusting her fingers... Even walking into a kitchen where a homemade batch is baking fresh, I have never wanted to grab a handful of Chex more than I did last night on couch. On more than one occasions I was fighting the urge to lick Beth's fingers for her!
Saturday was a pretty low key day for us; it was filled with family time, which is something we haven't had on a Saturday in a while and missed. We watched cartoons, went to the library, had lunch and during the boy's nap time, Beth went to Target / Costco and I made Vegetable Ham soup, just so I could drink the broth :)
It was pretty simple: 1 stick of butter, 2 tbsp of olive oil, 2 tsp of minced garlic, 1/2 a white onion (chopped), 15 baby carrots (chopped), 1/3 a head of broccoli, 1 can of Italian diced tomatoes, 1 box of chicken stock, 1 Ham steak (cubed), water, salt, pepper, celery salt, parsley, and liquid smoke to taste. I let it simmer for about 2 hours and strained off some broth. Beth correctly pointed out that it was a lot of effort just to drink some broth, but to have a substitute to V8 and Slimfast is worth the effort at times :)
Regrettably, I didn't spend much time thinking about the "why am I doing this" and focused mostly on "hey, I am still doing this." I was hoping that Church might help me with the "why" but Daniel started (and is now thankfully over) a bug that spiked his temperature up to 103.2, so Church was missed today. This week I'll continue to keep my mind open, stomach empty and tongue salivating.
Some other random notes: Started the day at 204 lbs, 36" waist, finished the day with about 1800 calories. 2 Beers still got right to my head. Dehydrogenation is an issue when not eating solids and I need to consciously drink more water. Advertisers are against me (BK Stacker is now only $1.00 per layer) and despite I'm not eating, I still love to watch cooking shows!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Day-3: V8 + Muscle Milk is Not a Celebratory Meal
When picking up a new client I like to reward myself. Even on Friday, 11:15 AM is too early to have a beer, so I indulged in a can of V8 and Muscle Milk. Not a celebration that would draw envy from the masses.
I passed my first Friday test! Though there were some moments where I really wanted to eat, I was never actually close to eating. Particularly last night, at my sister's house where a giant bowl of fresh corn salsa hovered on the kitchen counter begging to be sampled. After all, a solid shouldn't count if it is as healthy as fresh corn salsa, right? No, especially on Day 3, I'm still strong enough to say that even fresh corn salsa is on the banned list. I did reward my self control with a milkshake on the way home from Kalamazoo.
For the record, St. Paulie's Girl Non Alcoholic (NA) Beer tastes like skunked Heineken w/ sugar. I would have preferred to enjoy more of the nice Sam Adam's Nobel Pilsner that my brother brought, but having to dive w/ no solids in my stomach, after one beer, the N.A. seemed the more responsible choice. Just in case you were wondering, "Mansers" on spike showed that the average adult male needs to drink 28 NA's to blow above a .08. - or 1 Sam Adam's Nobel Pilsner and about 16 NA's.
A couple of my sister's friends asked me why I was doing this and I failed in my response. Rather than tell them the truth "So I think of Jesus more often (and lose some weight)" I grinned and said "why not?" It's not often that I turn down an opportunity to express myself and looking back, I feel sad about what was probably a missed opportunity to witness. On a plus side, I am now very much aware of the guilt that is attached to not sharing the actual motives behind my actions, even if those motives are slowly becoming more clear.
I woke up on Day 3 not hungry, weighting 204 and still a 36" waist. Probably finished the day around 1700 calories - though 400 of them were a disgusting NA Beer.
Today is Saturday, the first weekend day of this Lenten season. I'm not worried about caving today, but am curious how challenging it will be.
I passed my first Friday test! Though there were some moments where I really wanted to eat, I was never actually close to eating. Particularly last night, at my sister's house where a giant bowl of fresh corn salsa hovered on the kitchen counter begging to be sampled. After all, a solid shouldn't count if it is as healthy as fresh corn salsa, right? No, especially on Day 3, I'm still strong enough to say that even fresh corn salsa is on the banned list. I did reward my self control with a milkshake on the way home from Kalamazoo.
For the record, St. Paulie's Girl Non Alcoholic (NA) Beer tastes like skunked Heineken w/ sugar. I would have preferred to enjoy more of the nice Sam Adam's Nobel Pilsner that my brother brought, but having to dive w/ no solids in my stomach, after one beer, the N.A. seemed the more responsible choice. Just in case you were wondering, "Mansers" on spike showed that the average adult male needs to drink 28 NA's to blow above a .08. - or 1 Sam Adam's Nobel Pilsner and about 16 NA's.
A couple of my sister's friends asked me why I was doing this and I failed in my response. Rather than tell them the truth "So I think of Jesus more often (and lose some weight)" I grinned and said "why not?" It's not often that I turn down an opportunity to express myself and looking back, I feel sad about what was probably a missed opportunity to witness. On a plus side, I am now very much aware of the guilt that is attached to not sharing the actual motives behind my actions, even if those motives are slowly becoming more clear.
I woke up on Day 3 not hungry, weighting 204 and still a 36" waist. Probably finished the day around 1700 calories - though 400 of them were a disgusting NA Beer.
Today is Saturday, the first weekend day of this Lenten season. I'm not worried about caving today, but am curious how challenging it will be.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Day-2: Most Will Not Be This Easy
Day-2 was a cake walk.
I still think "Jesus didn't have Slimfast" every time I want to eat; I expect to always think that, but do not expect to always have an easy time accepting that to be a reason to not eat solids.
My diet is pretty simple: I drink Slimfast, V8, V8 Fruit Fusion, Muscle Milk, Coffee, Soda, a lot of Water and some beer. Yesterday I estimated my calorie count was around 1300-1500. Since I was probably consuming 2200-2500 daily, before I gave up solids, I'm going to work on keeping my count at least 1500. Today is going to end about 1500 - maybe 1600 if I have one more beer before bed.
I'm sure by day 25 my diet is going to drive me insane but I'm hoping to not crack under the pressure. I figure that Friday nights and Sundays will be the hardest - we'll get a glimpse of that tomorrow. My mother-in-law just asked me, over the phone, why I'm doing this. Without hesitation or preamble, I replied "so I think of Jesus more often." Maybe at the end of 40-Days my only revelation will be that I thought a lot more about Jesus but hopefully it will get deeper than that.
For now, Day-2 started at 209 LBS & 36" waist. Day-2 will end a success and with the knowledge at I can do this. On a side note: 2 beers on a 48-hours liquid diet hits your head like 5 beers on a stomach full of wings.
I still think "Jesus didn't have Slimfast" every time I want to eat; I expect to always think that, but do not expect to always have an easy time accepting that to be a reason to not eat solids.
My diet is pretty simple: I drink Slimfast, V8, V8 Fruit Fusion, Muscle Milk, Coffee, Soda, a lot of Water and some beer. Yesterday I estimated my calorie count was around 1300-1500. Since I was probably consuming 2200-2500 daily, before I gave up solids, I'm going to work on keeping my count at least 1500. Today is going to end about 1500 - maybe 1600 if I have one more beer before bed.
I'm sure by day 25 my diet is going to drive me insane but I'm hoping to not crack under the pressure. I figure that Friday nights and Sundays will be the hardest - we'll get a glimpse of that tomorrow. My mother-in-law just asked me, over the phone, why I'm doing this. Without hesitation or preamble, I replied "so I think of Jesus more often." Maybe at the end of 40-Days my only revelation will be that I thought a lot more about Jesus but hopefully it will get deeper than that.
For now, Day-2 started at 209 LBS & 36" waist. Day-2 will end a success and with the knowledge at I can do this. On a side note: 2 beers on a 48-hours liquid diet hits your head like 5 beers on a stomach full of wings.
Day 1 - Looking Back
I'm currently not, nor have ever been Catholic.
Catholics do not hold the patent on lenten traditions and depending on the year I try to sacrifice, in hopes of strengthening my relationship with the Lord. For this year I've decided to give up solid foods.
For 40-Days I'm strictly on liquids. The only things that I'll be chewing is gum and ice. Since this is my sacrifice I make the rules. Soups that come in a ready-to-sip can and shakes thin enough to drink from a straw are the only questionable items that I will indulge in. Thankfully, beer does not require a spoon and drinking it from a straw should be punishable with jail time.
In years past I've given up or attempted to give up: fast food, beer, alcohol in general, soda and cursing. Some years I've done better than others, but as for this year, I'm excited for the challenge. Preparation was simple, tell as many people as I can what I going to do so that I feel obligated to do it. Generally speaking, this is not an uncommon technique, when people aspire for something they often put him or herself in a position of "no turning back" so that they are self obligated to follow through. For me, I've used this technique often. A few years back I told everybody that I was going to run a full marathon - eventually people started asking me how training was going and eventually I started to train seriously which pinnacled by me jogging 26.2 miles at a pace slower than Oprah's. I used this method to decide on a college, then again to transfer from that school. My childhood friends and I would unknowingly use this method most springs; when the lake would thaw but the water was still 45 degrees and we wanted to swim, we'd pee our pants so that we have to jump in. While these are only a few examples, to be frank, this self-created public obligation has made me a better person over the years.
Obviously, Day-1 was not fun. Nor do I expect it to be fun to not eat solid foods at any point and time during the 40-Day period. But Day-1 required the curbing of habits.
I enjoy food, all food and at any time. While I nearly always have a Slimfast shake for breakfast and sometimes for lunch, I still consume food. A handful of my boys' dry cereal, the last few bites of Beth's toast, some french fries from a co-works lunch, a snack with my boys when we get home, dinner with Beth, the boy's leftovers, etc. Since I quit having to make weight for wrestling there have been very few circumstances where I didn't eat what I had the opportunity to eat. So yesterday was a challenge, not physically or really mentally, but routinely. Often I found myself picking up something to eat just because it was available. Now when I pick of food I have to stop before it enters my mouth, a willpower that makes me slightly sad when exerted.
The underlining bonus of this, unlike other things I've given up in the past, is the frequency that it brings Jesus to my mind. Not that I've having one spiritual epiphany after another or 24-hours into this excursion have I had any great revelations, but I do think of my Lord every single time I want to eat. So over the course of Day-1, Jesus Christ has crossed my mind more than any other weekday that I can recall. I have not connected the dots as to what I decided to give up food for Lent and will not be left empty, pondering that question, if after 40-Days it is still unknown to me, but for now I will ask, pray and wonder. When I want to eat I think that Jesus did this without Slimfast.
On a more self-indulgent side of this: At 6:15 AM on Wednesday, March 9th, 2011, I weighed 211 LBS and have 36 waist. I am curious what I will weigh 40 Days later.
Catholics do not hold the patent on lenten traditions and depending on the year I try to sacrifice, in hopes of strengthening my relationship with the Lord. For this year I've decided to give up solid foods.
For 40-Days I'm strictly on liquids. The only things that I'll be chewing is gum and ice. Since this is my sacrifice I make the rules. Soups that come in a ready-to-sip can and shakes thin enough to drink from a straw are the only questionable items that I will indulge in. Thankfully, beer does not require a spoon and drinking it from a straw should be punishable with jail time.
In years past I've given up or attempted to give up: fast food, beer, alcohol in general, soda and cursing. Some years I've done better than others, but as for this year, I'm excited for the challenge. Preparation was simple, tell as many people as I can what I going to do so that I feel obligated to do it. Generally speaking, this is not an uncommon technique, when people aspire for something they often put him or herself in a position of "no turning back" so that they are self obligated to follow through. For me, I've used this technique often. A few years back I told everybody that I was going to run a full marathon - eventually people started asking me how training was going and eventually I started to train seriously which pinnacled by me jogging 26.2 miles at a pace slower than Oprah's. I used this method to decide on a college, then again to transfer from that school. My childhood friends and I would unknowingly use this method most springs; when the lake would thaw but the water was still 45 degrees and we wanted to swim, we'd pee our pants so that we have to jump in. While these are only a few examples, to be frank, this self-created public obligation has made me a better person over the years.
Obviously, Day-1 was not fun. Nor do I expect it to be fun to not eat solid foods at any point and time during the 40-Day period. But Day-1 required the curbing of habits.
I enjoy food, all food and at any time. While I nearly always have a Slimfast shake for breakfast and sometimes for lunch, I still consume food. A handful of my boys' dry cereal, the last few bites of Beth's toast, some french fries from a co-works lunch, a snack with my boys when we get home, dinner with Beth, the boy's leftovers, etc. Since I quit having to make weight for wrestling there have been very few circumstances where I didn't eat what I had the opportunity to eat. So yesterday was a challenge, not physically or really mentally, but routinely. Often I found myself picking up something to eat just because it was available. Now when I pick of food I have to stop before it enters my mouth, a willpower that makes me slightly sad when exerted.
The underlining bonus of this, unlike other things I've given up in the past, is the frequency that it brings Jesus to my mind. Not that I've having one spiritual epiphany after another or 24-hours into this excursion have I had any great revelations, but I do think of my Lord every single time I want to eat. So over the course of Day-1, Jesus Christ has crossed my mind more than any other weekday that I can recall. I have not connected the dots as to what I decided to give up food for Lent and will not be left empty, pondering that question, if after 40-Days it is still unknown to me, but for now I will ask, pray and wonder. When I want to eat I think that Jesus did this without Slimfast.
On a more self-indulgent side of this: At 6:15 AM on Wednesday, March 9th, 2011, I weighed 211 LBS and have 36 waist. I am curious what I will weigh 40 Days later.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)