A friend, a person whom I hold in high regards, a person whom probably unrealized to them, I deeply value their opinion about me and work to live up to their expectations. This person whom I have accidentally and purposefully offended is a still a friend and not long ago made a comment about my liquid diet, along the line of: "wow, that is determination, you should be able to do anything now."
"You should be able to do anything now" is scary because it is something that I will never live up to. As people, we have goals, whether public or private, that we will fall short of reaching. From Day-1, I've stated that the diet would be easy. To me the diet was like peeing my pants as a kid to force myself to jump in the lake, or telling the world that I'm going to run a marathon, so I'd start training. The diet is what gave me motivation to stay focused, inspiration to blog and the ability to search for whatever it is I'm looking for. The diet is placebo in nature, just around to help me achieve more significant goals and largely it has worked.
Day-42 contained a lot of thought, some good conversation and answers broad in nature. I don't know everything, but I know where I want to get to and I have a idea of how to get there - it's just not losing the map, compass or flashlight on the way, that will be hard.
I know I'm not what I ought to be. I am not yet what I want to be. I know what I hope to be. But still, I must THANK GOD, I am not what I used to be
Sometimes people fail purposefully, whether consciously or subconsciously, they know that they will fail. Many falls from a short pedestals is seemingly less dangerous or embarrassing than a long fall from a tall pedestal. If I often just miss a little, it is not as noticeable as one huge miss, so if I'm not at the top, most won't notice my fall. I could not handle seeing God's plan for me, I don't think that I could bare the pressure of following though without failure, or the thought of not agreeing with it, or questioning it. Thankfully, God has not offered me a clear plan and as for now, prayer and trust are the best that I have and I'll that I need.
I thought a lot about what finishing my Lenten experience on a strong note meant for me and speculated what it would mean for others. Over the past 42-Days I've made my faith clear, goals and progress available, expectations known and now a fear public. At times in the future, my mouth will get me in trouble, my sarcasm will burn people, my anger will bubble, I'll get confused about my place in life, I want to take change of something that I can't, I'll miss a witness and I'm sure I'll leave people scratching their head thinking "he's a Christian?".
When I fall short, there is no excuse, it will just be action that I'll regret and lesson that I remember. We are taught that if we put our minds to anything we can do it. Though we are often not where we want to be, so obviously that logic has some inconsistencies. Inconsistent or not, I don't see how staying focused is the wrong patch to follow.
I know who died for my sins and what that means to me, but before we meet, I'll again let him down and others too. Not everything I do in my life will glorify God and it's upsetting, it's upsetting to know that failure will happen. Whether on a tiny or grand scale, failure is inevitable. The light of perspective that this little Lenten experience sheds on the significance and certainty of future shortcomings is nerve racking.
But no bubble wrap, no security blanket of bubble wrap to insulate us from our failures. No modest goals, only shooting for the stars. A long term plan that has God in the center. And though Jesus died for my sins, I take my shortcomings seriously and grow from them and learn from them and hate them. It can be scary to achieve your goals, to realize meaning in success, to be correct, to have to have success again, but it is also how we reach out to others. It is also scary to fall short, but it is getting up from being knocked down and learning from our mistakes which makes us strong, and allows us to relate to others. It is the combination of achievement and failure that teach us how, makes us relatable, and provide us with opportunity to be an example and to spread God's love.
"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.
"A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
"Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on
"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole.
Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out."
42-Days into this and overtime is not just worth it, but made it worth while.
Random Notes: Started the day at 188 lbs, finished around 1700 calories. Dinner on Day-44, here I come!
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