When going to the bar, a common joke towards the waitress is; "Just a beer, I'm on a liquid diet." Waitresses kindly smile, your group laughs and nobody expects you to be serious. Even for those whom start only with beer will snag a french fry, a potato chip, a bite of a slider, or some other random nugget of goodness when available. If sitting at a table with friends and not butterflying around the bar, I'd wager that the "just a beer" guy ends up with his own order of deep fried pickles, jalapeno poppers, nachos, etc, bye the end of the night.
Last night I was that "just a beer" guy and while my evening didn't involve deep fried, heavenly, goodness I did come up with The Straw Test.
The Straw Test is simple; if a soup is a thin enough to be sucked through a straw, I'll drink what I can (with the straw) and leave the rest in the bowl. The bar was featuring cream a broccoli soup and despite some massive leftover chunks, I enjoyed about 2/3 of the bowl, through the straw... it was amazing.
In my own little world of Lenten sacrifice, I comprise the Executive, Legislative and Judaical Branches of what is and is not allowed. Sometimes, like last night, I'm forced to ask myself "is this acceptable for what I'm looking to accomplish?", "will I be mad at myself later?" Obviously, I found it to be acceptable and thankfully I did not regret it later.
When deciding to allow The Straw Test for soups, I made a mental list of things not allowed:
- Gravy
- Apple Sauce
- Pudding / Custard
- Mashed Potatoes
- Hummus
- Cottage Cheese
- Liquid Cheese
- Hot Fudge
- Ice Cream (Though fair game melted or in a milkshake form)
In all likely hood the list will be added to, in days to come.
For me the overall results of the diet carry the least amount of magnitude in my Lenten experience, nonetheless it is an absolutely necessary component that ties everything together and is the foundation of that which is making me strive to be better. Having rules that I stick by, following through with, and talk about, are critical for my success. If I started eating solids, my spiritual journey would follow the same path as other broken diets or missed work outs. I eat solids on Day-18, then not again till Day-26, then Day-32, then Day-34, Day-35, Day-36- "darn, I almost did it" and at the same time my self reflection gets becomes less important and less devote. Workouts have the same fate, miss a day here, a day there and pretty soon working out is something that one used to do when they had time.
I need to be strict with myself. In the scheme of things 40-Days isn't much and is something that I can handle. I can't comprise my own standards on this, which is why The Straw Test scared me and why I'm silly about things like ice cream. Chunks of ham are off limits, but if a friend takes the time to puree them, with the split peas, the ham is now allowed. Ice cream, fresh from the freezer, is a no-no, but when left to sit in room temperature for 20 minutes, I gladly slurp that stuff up.
For now, the diet is the instrument that makes me ask more of myself. The diet is glue that is holding together my little journey of self-improvement, self-betterment, self-worth, self-guidance, self-direction, self-something. I have 23-Days left to not only master the "why?", the "how?" and the "what now?" but also to set up accountability without the diet (and blog), so that it doesn't all fall apart, without the glue, without the diet, without the season of Lent.
Random Notes: Started the day at 197 lbs, will finish around 1900 calories. And mom, thanks for the soup broth.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day-16: Attack of the Killer Leftover Demons
Unlike Vampires of the Black Court, a Leftover Demon cannot be killed by a wooden stake to the heart, it has no head to chop off, Holy water only makes soupy and garlic (with a little franks) often makes the Leftover Demon more desirable. An exorcism may work on a Leftover Demon but only if the those doing the rites are hungry. For Leftover Demons cannot be banished, only eaten, given away or thrown away.
I love leftovers. I love to take them and transform them into something new. Cheese, garlic powder, seasoning salt, cracked pepper and franks are often on the roster of Team Leftover. Last night's Outback is tomorrows breakfast skillet. Friday night's pizza is Saturday morning cold pizza w/ mustard, not creative but oh so delicious.
Tomorrow, in addition to standard stock, my fridge will contain leftover taco meat and leftover chicken stir-fry on fried rice. Those things are just screaming to be played with, but sadly they wont. They will be left to spoil, in favor of the trail of urinary annoyance. For on my liquid journey there is not leftover surprise. No sauteed garlic, onion, soy, peppered diced chicken fingers on a french fry hash. No sweet & sour pork omelet or fried-egg-half-club sandwich. Just the sweet, chocolate, redundancy of Slimfast or the smooth, salty, ever so health V8... grrrr......
In thinking of Leftover Demons I find myself thinking of anger. I'm not angry that I can't eat leftovers, as I've mentioned before, the lack of solids does not bother me. After years of cutting weight so I can be in the starting lineup on my wrestling teams, food isn't tempting, 40-Days is just annoying. As noted yesterday, I wrestled 157 lbs in college, a nutritionist at GVSU calibrated my body fat at 1.6 %. Actually, a student calibrated it at 1.9%, a machine found it to be 1.7% and the professional, thinking they were both wrong, did it herself and came up with 1.6%. I remember this clearly because after the nutritionist calculated, then double checked her results, she said something along the line of "wrestlers are disgusting, I don't know how you have any energy to function at this body fat, you could die from being this skinny." Sadly, this was my junior year, I stupidly went back down to 157 lbs as a senior.
I digressed, sorry. Anyway, I get angry at times. Never violent towards others, though I have broke a cell phone, or three. Yelling often occurs, but the most common outlet is evil, ruthless, forked tongue sarcasm. Bitter acid tones in my voice, attached to sentences designed to make the target feel more stupid than I am angry and remind any in audience that they do not want to be on the receiving end. However, since Day-11, no sarcasm and the anger is less. Things still upset me, a few times it's bubbled over, but it bubbles less. Not a severe bubble and a few times the bubble has been avoided by prayer. If not God than at least prayer takes time, time requires breathing, breathing slows the heart rate, which lowers blood pressure, which calms me :)
Today, I spoke separately with a couple friends, about my journey. Both of whom have utilized and needed prayer in their life. Telling the story, to date, has helped me realize the more I talk about needing more from this journey then a trim waist, the more I will get out of it. We all have this natural desire to be self made, to prove that we can do it on our own: I paid my way though college, I started a small business, I was a successful wrestler, I've ran a marathon etc, etc, etc. But the list is always missing: With student loans, with my my father-in-law's idea and co-signature, because of great coaches and practice partners, because Beth watched Daniel so I could train. The support reasons, that never get noted, when people list their accomplishments can always be traced back generation, to generation, to generation, to, well, you get the idea. It all goes back to the beginning, to God.
So maybe this about learning to understand it's greater than "me", that I don't really do anything myself and that I'm not actually in control of what I think I am.
I don't know - needs more thought and time - both of which with happen.
Random Notes: Started the day at 199 lbs, will finish around 1,500 calories, which will include 4 beers. Tomorrow I'll need more healthy calories.
I love leftovers. I love to take them and transform them into something new. Cheese, garlic powder, seasoning salt, cracked pepper and franks are often on the roster of Team Leftover. Last night's Outback is tomorrows breakfast skillet. Friday night's pizza is Saturday morning cold pizza w/ mustard, not creative but oh so delicious.
Tomorrow, in addition to standard stock, my fridge will contain leftover taco meat and leftover chicken stir-fry on fried rice. Those things are just screaming to be played with, but sadly they wont. They will be left to spoil, in favor of the trail of urinary annoyance. For on my liquid journey there is not leftover surprise. No sauteed garlic, onion, soy, peppered diced chicken fingers on a french fry hash. No sweet & sour pork omelet or fried-egg-half-club sandwich. Just the sweet, chocolate, redundancy of Slimfast or the smooth, salty, ever so health V8... grrrr......
In thinking of Leftover Demons I find myself thinking of anger. I'm not angry that I can't eat leftovers, as I've mentioned before, the lack of solids does not bother me. After years of cutting weight so I can be in the starting lineup on my wrestling teams, food isn't tempting, 40-Days is just annoying. As noted yesterday, I wrestled 157 lbs in college, a nutritionist at GVSU calibrated my body fat at 1.6 %. Actually, a student calibrated it at 1.9%, a machine found it to be 1.7% and the professional, thinking they were both wrong, did it herself and came up with 1.6%. I remember this clearly because after the nutritionist calculated, then double checked her results, she said something along the line of "wrestlers are disgusting, I don't know how you have any energy to function at this body fat, you could die from being this skinny." Sadly, this was my junior year, I stupidly went back down to 157 lbs as a senior.
I digressed, sorry. Anyway, I get angry at times. Never violent towards others, though I have broke a cell phone, or three. Yelling often occurs, but the most common outlet is evil, ruthless, forked tongue sarcasm. Bitter acid tones in my voice, attached to sentences designed to make the target feel more stupid than I am angry and remind any in audience that they do not want to be on the receiving end. However, since Day-11, no sarcasm and the anger is less. Things still upset me, a few times it's bubbled over, but it bubbles less. Not a severe bubble and a few times the bubble has been avoided by prayer. If not God than at least prayer takes time, time requires breathing, breathing slows the heart rate, which lowers blood pressure, which calms me :)
Today, I spoke separately with a couple friends, about my journey. Both of whom have utilized and needed prayer in their life. Telling the story, to date, has helped me realize the more I talk about needing more from this journey then a trim waist, the more I will get out of it. We all have this natural desire to be self made, to prove that we can do it on our own: I paid my way though college, I started a small business, I was a successful wrestler, I've ran a marathon etc, etc, etc. But the list is always missing: With student loans, with my my father-in-law's idea and co-signature, because of great coaches and practice partners, because Beth watched Daniel so I could train. The support reasons, that never get noted, when people list their accomplishments can always be traced back generation, to generation, to generation, to, well, you get the idea. It all goes back to the beginning, to God.
So maybe this about learning to understand it's greater than "me", that I don't really do anything myself and that I'm not actually in control of what I think I am.
I don't know - needs more thought and time - both of which with happen.
Random Notes: Started the day at 199 lbs, will finish around 1,500 calories, which will include 4 beers. Tomorrow I'll need more healthy calories.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Day-15: Holy Crap! - My Weight Starts With an "1"
As I've repeatedly stated, the motive behind this 40-Days of liquid is not my waist line, it is to better myself and my relationship with God. Lord knows that the weight will come back once I start eating normal. I must gain more than a smaller pant size to better myself as a person and to make the frustration and hardships of not eating worth it. All that being said, a slimmer midsection is a definite bonus and not something that I'm ashamed of enjoying.
For the first time since weighing more than 200 lbs, I started the day under 200 lbs, 199 to be exact. I've spent more than a decade wrestling competitively, which makes remembering how much I weighed at what point in my life easy. (At least during the winter months):
- 95 Lbs - 5th Grade (10 years old)
- 125 Lbs - 6th Grade (I was a chunky monkey) (11)
- 107 Lbs - 7th Grade (12)
- 121 Lbs - 8th Grade (13)
- 135 Lbs - 9th Grade (14)
- 135 Lbs - 10th Grade (15)
- 152 Lbs - 11th Grade (16)
- 160 Lbs - 12th Grade (17)
- 195 Lbs Freshmen 35 (didn't wrestle) at Bradley University (18)
- 157 Lbs - Sophomore Year at GVSU (19)
- 157 Lbs - Junior Year at GVSU (20)
- 157 Lbs - Junior Year at GVSU (21)
In regards to my years at GVSU, I actually weighed 180 lbs when I wasn't in season and 157 lbs was my weigh in weight. Even during wrestling season my natural weight was around 170 lbs. The last time I weighed 157 lbs was mid-January, 2004 at the Cleveland State Open.
The week following the Cleveland State Open, Beth and I sat down to pay our bills and realized that we were broke. No more Wrestling, Andy get's a job. I finished my degree in May, 2004 and the waist line never looked back. I worked as Political Director for the Kent County Republicans and by the time we had re-elected George W. Bush in November, 2004 I was 190 lbs. Starting in January 2005 I helped coach wrestling at Byron Center High School, for the State Meet, in March, I was holding firm at 195 lbs. Sometime in the Summer of 2005 I finally broke 200 lbs, though it would be 2006 before I admitted that I no longer weighed in the 190's.
During the past 6-years my weight has fluctuated within a 34 lbs range. I peaked in December, 2007 at 236 lbs, shortly after Daniel was born. Even after completing a full program of P90X my weight hit 202 lbs in December, 2009, still above 200 lbs. The past few years I've been happy with my weight / body - when I get towards and above 220 lbs I work to bring it back down to the 210-215 lbs range.
In the future, other than "Random Notes" I won't be posting specifically on my weight. To me, it is just kind of cool to be under 200 lbs for the first time since 2005. Even in October, 2008 when I ran a a full marathon my weight was 211 lbs. Pastor's preach because they are called to do so by the spirit of the Lord but a healthy collection plate is never frowned upon.
Random Notes: Started the day at 199 lbs, will finish around 1,900 calories. Had pureed soup for dinner thanks to a friend! Not that I'm done with Slim Fast but it is always nice to have a change of pace for the pallet - perhaps a pureed cheeseburger may happen before Day-40.
For the first time since weighing more than 200 lbs, I started the day under 200 lbs, 199 to be exact. I've spent more than a decade wrestling competitively, which makes remembering how much I weighed at what point in my life easy. (At least during the winter months):
- 95 Lbs - 5th Grade (10 years old)
- 125 Lbs - 6th Grade (I was a chunky monkey) (11)
- 107 Lbs - 7th Grade (12)
- 121 Lbs - 8th Grade (13)
- 135 Lbs - 9th Grade (14)
- 135 Lbs - 10th Grade (15)
- 152 Lbs - 11th Grade (16)
- 160 Lbs - 12th Grade (17)
- 195 Lbs Freshmen 35 (didn't wrestle) at Bradley University (18)
- 157 Lbs - Sophomore Year at GVSU (19)
- 157 Lbs - Junior Year at GVSU (20)
- 157 Lbs - Junior Year at GVSU (21)
In regards to my years at GVSU, I actually weighed 180 lbs when I wasn't in season and 157 lbs was my weigh in weight. Even during wrestling season my natural weight was around 170 lbs. The last time I weighed 157 lbs was mid-January, 2004 at the Cleveland State Open.
The week following the Cleveland State Open, Beth and I sat down to pay our bills and realized that we were broke. No more Wrestling, Andy get's a job. I finished my degree in May, 2004 and the waist line never looked back. I worked as Political Director for the Kent County Republicans and by the time we had re-elected George W. Bush in November, 2004 I was 190 lbs. Starting in January 2005 I helped coach wrestling at Byron Center High School, for the State Meet, in March, I was holding firm at 195 lbs. Sometime in the Summer of 2005 I finally broke 200 lbs, though it would be 2006 before I admitted that I no longer weighed in the 190's.
During the past 6-years my weight has fluctuated within a 34 lbs range. I peaked in December, 2007 at 236 lbs, shortly after Daniel was born. Even after completing a full program of P90X my weight hit 202 lbs in December, 2009, still above 200 lbs. The past few years I've been happy with my weight / body - when I get towards and above 220 lbs I work to bring it back down to the 210-215 lbs range.
In the future, other than "Random Notes" I won't be posting specifically on my weight. To me, it is just kind of cool to be under 200 lbs for the first time since 2005. Even in October, 2008 when I ran a a full marathon my weight was 211 lbs. Pastor's preach because they are called to do so by the spirit of the Lord but a healthy collection plate is never frowned upon.
Random Notes: Started the day at 199 lbs, will finish around 1,900 calories. Had pureed soup for dinner thanks to a friend! Not that I'm done with Slim Fast but it is always nice to have a change of pace for the pallet - perhaps a pureed cheeseburger may happen before Day-40.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Day-14: Part 2 of The Things I've Been Tempted to Shove Down My Taste Hole
I have started craving food! Some cravings are greater than others and though I've not come close to giving in, here is a list from week 2, that I've been tempted to partake in (as a reminder, I have not done any of the following:
- Lick the box that Kyle's Pizza Hut came in, last Friday
- A side cup of ranch dressing that Beth's sampler platter came with, last Thursday
- A puree of Corned Beef and Cabbage on St. Patty's Day
- McDonald's French Fry Puree
- A mouthful of Honey (Still may do this one)
- Wiped Hummus w/ milk (so it is liquid)
Other than the random - "licking a cardboard box" like items, the above list is going to get redundant, so I'm adding a new "end of the week" list. Item's it's killed me not to eat, that I could have:
- The boy's leftover tacos that I made fresh tonight
- The boy's leftover burger and french fries from last Thursday
- "Bag fries" from yesterday
- That unopened tub of guacamole, staring at me, every time I open my refrigerator
- The corned beef and cabbage, from Pete's Tavern, on St. Patty's Day
- Meijer buttered pretzel braids
- A Little Cesar's Bread stick
The food got to me today. I was constantly hungry and had brief moments where I thought "nobody is around, maybe a sandwich wouldn't hurt." I also had worries that I won't make it to Day 40. Thankfully those moments quickly passed but they rattled me.
Not a lot of time with J.C. today - hopefully tomorrow will be better. I did work a little on my 2nd task. I expressed anger and frustrations towards employees, I did not overuse candor or sarcasm. One of my older brother's told me that he tries to utilize conversation as a tool rather than a sport. My problem is that I'm overly willing too and enjoy experience conversation more as a cage fight - a cage fight is more extreme than I typically communicate but it gets the point across.
Just to the keep the record clear: As of Day-14, I'm not eating solids, I'm working on keeping my opinions to my self / being sensitive towards other, I'm trying to pray more, I'm focusing more on Jesus and searching for answers to question I'm not what to ask. All this makes me wonder if Lent will leave me any free time by Day-40?
Random Notes: Started the day at 200, will finish around 2200 calories (I was really hungry all day). Also, I'm not going to start pureeing a bunch of things, but if you puree it and give it to me, I'll try it - well, maybe.
- Lick the box that Kyle's Pizza Hut came in, last Friday
- A side cup of ranch dressing that Beth's sampler platter came with, last Thursday
- A puree of Corned Beef and Cabbage on St. Patty's Day
- McDonald's French Fry Puree
- A mouthful of Honey (Still may do this one)
- Wiped Hummus w/ milk (so it is liquid)
Other than the random - "licking a cardboard box" like items, the above list is going to get redundant, so I'm adding a new "end of the week" list. Item's it's killed me not to eat, that I could have:
- The boy's leftover tacos that I made fresh tonight
- The boy's leftover burger and french fries from last Thursday
- "Bag fries" from yesterday
- That unopened tub of guacamole, staring at me, every time I open my refrigerator
- The corned beef and cabbage, from Pete's Tavern, on St. Patty's Day
- Meijer buttered pretzel braids
- A Little Cesar's Bread stick
The food got to me today. I was constantly hungry and had brief moments where I thought "nobody is around, maybe a sandwich wouldn't hurt." I also had worries that I won't make it to Day 40. Thankfully those moments quickly passed but they rattled me.
Not a lot of time with J.C. today - hopefully tomorrow will be better. I did work a little on my 2nd task. I expressed anger and frustrations towards employees, I did not overuse candor or sarcasm. One of my older brother's told me that he tries to utilize conversation as a tool rather than a sport. My problem is that I'm overly willing too and enjoy experience conversation more as a cage fight - a cage fight is more extreme than I typically communicate but it gets the point across.
Just to the keep the record clear: As of Day-14, I'm not eating solids, I'm working on keeping my opinions to my self / being sensitive towards other, I'm trying to pray more, I'm focusing more on Jesus and searching for answers to question I'm not what to ask. All this makes me wonder if Lent will leave me any free time by Day-40?
Random Notes: Started the day at 200, will finish around 2200 calories (I was really hungry all day). Also, I'm not going to start pureeing a bunch of things, but if you puree it and give it to me, I'll try it - well, maybe.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Day-13: My Betty White Moments
Starting in 2010 Snickers commercials featured the tag line "you're not you when you're hungry"; my favorite commercial features Betty White, in a game of back yard football. Linked here: Betty White
While my situation isn't the exact same, I've come to mentally call odd moments my "Betty White Moments" where I know a decrease in nutritional need is affecting my mental or emotional state of being. More simply stated, not eating solids can make me moody! To my understanding I have not become erratic or unbalanced, but I'll verify and monitor with those close to me. Mostly, I crash more easily or am sometimes flustered at things that typically do not phase me. The reason that Snickers comes to mind so quickly is because a Snickers bar would quickly fix the situation.
A normal Snickers bar has 28.8g of sugar and 34.5g of carbs, so the energy hits you fast. They also contain 271 calories with 13.6g of fat and 5.2g or saturated fat so the calories burn hot and strong. I would not want to supplement a typical diet with Snickers, but in pinch, they work great.
In college, when cutting weight for wrestling and struggling before practice started, I used to eat a Snickers bar and by the time it wore off, adrenaline carried me the rest of the way. Nowadays, I don't have that option and I'm typically crashing after adrenaline. V8, Fruit Juice and Slimfast are great supplements to my diet but not so great as emergency pick-me-ups. If crashing I know that I have to be patient, which is not always easy. Kids and clients are not sympathetic to a daily random crash. The same holds true for a mood swings; by the time I've become aware that a mood swing is occurring, my nutritional needs are so messed up that it takes 45-minutes to balance it out.
Thankfully I realized the need for structure and routine caloric intake around Day-3 and stick to a regimented schedule as best I can. I mostly get off track when intensely working on a big project or if I stay up late and do not drink a shake before bed.
A first glace Betty White has little to do with Jesus Christ, but I can tell you it is HARD to look for Jesus when you are mentally road raging, at Honda Civic, that is inconsiderately driving the posted speed limit, when heading to the bank. Also, you do not focus well on spiritual needs when your inner mantra is chanting "eat a snickers, eat a snickers, eat a snickers, eat a snicker." As it turns out, Betty White has a lot of influence with this Lenten experience and I need to pay attention to what I do, in order to keep her out of it.
Random Notes: Started the day at 200 Lbs, will finish around 2,000 calories, thanks heavily to a McDonald's Shake. Also, "if you threw a party and invited everyone you knew. You would see, the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say: 'thank you, for being a friend'"
While my situation isn't the exact same, I've come to mentally call odd moments my "Betty White Moments" where I know a decrease in nutritional need is affecting my mental or emotional state of being. More simply stated, not eating solids can make me moody! To my understanding I have not become erratic or unbalanced, but I'll verify and monitor with those close to me. Mostly, I crash more easily or am sometimes flustered at things that typically do not phase me. The reason that Snickers comes to mind so quickly is because a Snickers bar would quickly fix the situation.
A normal Snickers bar has 28.8g of sugar and 34.5g of carbs, so the energy hits you fast. They also contain 271 calories with 13.6g of fat and 5.2g or saturated fat so the calories burn hot and strong. I would not want to supplement a typical diet with Snickers, but in pinch, they work great.
In college, when cutting weight for wrestling and struggling before practice started, I used to eat a Snickers bar and by the time it wore off, adrenaline carried me the rest of the way. Nowadays, I don't have that option and I'm typically crashing after adrenaline. V8, Fruit Juice and Slimfast are great supplements to my diet but not so great as emergency pick-me-ups. If crashing I know that I have to be patient, which is not always easy. Kids and clients are not sympathetic to a daily random crash. The same holds true for a mood swings; by the time I've become aware that a mood swing is occurring, my nutritional needs are so messed up that it takes 45-minutes to balance it out.
Thankfully I realized the need for structure and routine caloric intake around Day-3 and stick to a regimented schedule as best I can. I mostly get off track when intensely working on a big project or if I stay up late and do not drink a shake before bed.
A first glace Betty White has little to do with Jesus Christ, but I can tell you it is HARD to look for Jesus when you are mentally road raging, at Honda Civic, that is inconsiderately driving the posted speed limit, when heading to the bank. Also, you do not focus well on spiritual needs when your inner mantra is chanting "eat a snickers, eat a snickers, eat a snickers, eat a snicker." As it turns out, Betty White has a lot of influence with this Lenten experience and I need to pay attention to what I do, in order to keep her out of it.
Random Notes: Started the day at 200 Lbs, will finish around 2,000 calories, thanks heavily to a McDonald's Shake. Also, "if you threw a party and invited everyone you knew. You would see, the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say: 'thank you, for being a friend'"
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Day-12: The Food Network is Hotter Than Victoria's Secret Photo Shoot
Okay, so it's 10:08 at night and Daniel just got out of bed and is now sitting on the couch watching Iron Chef America, on mute, asking us to explain the techniques that the chefs are using. How do you get upset about a 3-year old wanting to expand his culinary horizons?
10:12 - Daniel's back in bed - let's hope it lasts.
Despite not allowing myself to currently indulge in any suggestion that Food Network inspires, I still love watching it. Like most viewers, I'm continually jealous of the judges on these shows, sign me up! I'll eat what an Iron Chef cooks, any day of the week! When starting the season of Lent I was worried that I would not be able to watch the Food Network, in fear that it would be torturous. Happily, not eating solids is not that difficult and the Food Network is not torturous.
Today is Sunday and our boys are sick, we did not go to Church or to my in-laws for lunch. It was a relaxing family day that limited my exposure to people who do not reside at 7153 Osprey. Small Children only speak candor and sarcasm is lost on them. After being together 8-years, Beth and I understand one another very well, with Beth my candor and sarcasm is rarely utilized. What all this means is that I had no opportunity to see how the bruises below my waist have started to effect me. Tomorrow I will have to deal with employees, most of whom draw various degrees of sarcasm, my self-improvement does not exclude employees, tomorrow will be interesting.
The hard thing about filtering my mouth will not be "keeping it shut." The hard part will be deciding if it would have been better to have called out the elephant or joked around, rather than being quiet. Not being candid isn't as easily monitored as adjusting a cooking recipe or setting a room temperature. Monitoring will require a lot of speculation of "would my typical ways have made the situation better?"
I can't ignore the way that this came to the forefront of my mind and I am now certain that it carries more weight with my soul because of Lent, but how it effects me will take prayer and patience. Since I have not been eating I have been thinking more about the Lord and my relationship with him. I know not everything I do glorifies the Lord and I'm nearly always aware when my immediate actions are not for the Lord, but for myself. I don't consider self indulgence evil but I just know there always more glorifying options. I don't imagine that I'll ever be a zealot, but there is a spectrum of gray between the black & white of zealot & heathen that I happily subscribe to.
I don't believe that God is talking to me more now than he has in the past and I don't believe that God is talking to me more than he does anybody else, I think I'm just finding what I'm searching for. I'm listing for the white noise in a quite room that is always there: the internal hum of electricity in an appliance, the wind outside, a distant car, a floor creek, etc. Like the white noise, if you don't listen for God, you'll rarely hear him.
Listening can be scary, you don't always want to hear what is being said. If it is coming from God, how do you ignore it? Like my metaphysical kick in the crotch exposed, hearing something about you that you are so comfortable with but should work on or at least contemplate. It's not a situation that you just grin and bare, it takes your breath away and must be recovered from. It is scary and hard.
Random Notes: Started the day at 202, will end around 1700 calories. Also, I had some cream of broccoli soup from one of those Campbell Sippy Cans... mmmmmmm 10:57 pm and Daniel stayed in bed.
10:12 - Daniel's back in bed - let's hope it lasts.
Despite not allowing myself to currently indulge in any suggestion that Food Network inspires, I still love watching it. Like most viewers, I'm continually jealous of the judges on these shows, sign me up! I'll eat what an Iron Chef cooks, any day of the week! When starting the season of Lent I was worried that I would not be able to watch the Food Network, in fear that it would be torturous. Happily, not eating solids is not that difficult and the Food Network is not torturous.
Today is Sunday and our boys are sick, we did not go to Church or to my in-laws for lunch. It was a relaxing family day that limited my exposure to people who do not reside at 7153 Osprey. Small Children only speak candor and sarcasm is lost on them. After being together 8-years, Beth and I understand one another very well, with Beth my candor and sarcasm is rarely utilized. What all this means is that I had no opportunity to see how the bruises below my waist have started to effect me. Tomorrow I will have to deal with employees, most of whom draw various degrees of sarcasm, my self-improvement does not exclude employees, tomorrow will be interesting.
The hard thing about filtering my mouth will not be "keeping it shut." The hard part will be deciding if it would have been better to have called out the elephant or joked around, rather than being quiet. Not being candid isn't as easily monitored as adjusting a cooking recipe or setting a room temperature. Monitoring will require a lot of speculation of "would my typical ways have made the situation better?"
I can't ignore the way that this came to the forefront of my mind and I am now certain that it carries more weight with my soul because of Lent, but how it effects me will take prayer and patience. Since I have not been eating I have been thinking more about the Lord and my relationship with him. I know not everything I do glorifies the Lord and I'm nearly always aware when my immediate actions are not for the Lord, but for myself. I don't consider self indulgence evil but I just know there always more glorifying options. I don't imagine that I'll ever be a zealot, but there is a spectrum of gray between the black & white of zealot & heathen that I happily subscribe to.
I don't believe that God is talking to me more now than he has in the past and I don't believe that God is talking to me more than he does anybody else, I think I'm just finding what I'm searching for. I'm listing for the white noise in a quite room that is always there: the internal hum of electricity in an appliance, the wind outside, a distant car, a floor creek, etc. Like the white noise, if you don't listen for God, you'll rarely hear him.
Listening can be scary, you don't always want to hear what is being said. If it is coming from God, how do you ignore it? Like my metaphysical kick in the crotch exposed, hearing something about you that you are so comfortable with but should work on or at least contemplate. It's not a situation that you just grin and bare, it takes your breath away and must be recovered from. It is scary and hard.
Random Notes: Started the day at 202, will end around 1700 calories. Also, I had some cream of broccoli soup from one of those Campbell Sippy Cans... mmmmmmm 10:57 pm and Daniel stayed in bed.
Day-11: A Swift Kick In The Crotch
No - I did not eat any food on Day-11 and I apologize in advance for the lack of levity in this post.
I struggle for the proper protocol when blogging the following day. Do I write in present tense or past tense? You'll notice that I sometimes bounce back and forth and for any grammar Nazis out there; I'm sorry.
Somebody very close to me recently made a purchase and I questioned its rationale. From my perspective, they overspent. It is a quality product bought for a reasonable price, but the product is overkill and will always be overkill for what they need. I expressed my concerns and they rightfully retorted that they saved up, knew what they were getting, knew that it is overkill, wanted it anyway and is happy to have purchased it. I admitted that they were correct; I was sorry and I need to work more on filtering my thoughts, before they come out of my mouth. To which the kick in the crotch came:
"Maybe since not eating is so easy, you should of gave that (being unfiltered) up for Lent."
Candor - Often I struggle with sugar coating things, I nearly always call out the elephant in the room. As I've gotten older, more established, experienced and professional, I've become more confident and even less aware of how people react to and feelings towards candor.
Sarcasm - With candor comes sarcasm and it's dangerous because often it is not well received. It is especially missed in text - since you can't text the tone of your thought / voice, a sarcastic text is nearly always taken the wrong way.
Three times this week my Candor / Sarcasm has slapped me across the face by negatively effecting people that I care about. With the Bible, theologians are so confident in the symbolism and power of the number "3", that it is commonly accepted as rule of divine perfection. Lent is about strengthening my relationship with God. If I can better myself than I can better my relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To ignore what is so clearly a way to improve myself would be wasteful of the 11 solid-less days I've already endured and possibly cancel out the next 29.
I can't say that without participating in Lent, my lesson learned on Day-11 would have missed, but I also can't say that it wouldn't have. Without my current journey I'm positive it would not have effected me as it has. I've spoken with candor and been sarcastic as far back as I can remember, its been a trait that many people both admire and hate about me. It is something that I use often and think more people should and I've always known that I'm in the minority with this thought.
I do not know how this is going to play out, how my personality will shift or even if it will. But I know where improvements await, I have an idea of where I need to go and most importantly, I know who to ask "how do I get there?"
Random Notes: Started the Day at 201 - will finish around 2100 calories. And for those stung by my sarcasm or embarrassed by my candor, I'm sorry to have hurt your feelings and will work to not hurt them in the future.
I struggle for the proper protocol when blogging the following day. Do I write in present tense or past tense? You'll notice that I sometimes bounce back and forth and for any grammar Nazis out there; I'm sorry.
Somebody very close to me recently made a purchase and I questioned its rationale. From my perspective, they overspent. It is a quality product bought for a reasonable price, but the product is overkill and will always be overkill for what they need. I expressed my concerns and they rightfully retorted that they saved up, knew what they were getting, knew that it is overkill, wanted it anyway and is happy to have purchased it. I admitted that they were correct; I was sorry and I need to work more on filtering my thoughts, before they come out of my mouth. To which the kick in the crotch came:
"Maybe since not eating is so easy, you should of gave that (being unfiltered) up for Lent."
Candor - Often I struggle with sugar coating things, I nearly always call out the elephant in the room. As I've gotten older, more established, experienced and professional, I've become more confident and even less aware of how people react to and feelings towards candor.
Sarcasm - With candor comes sarcasm and it's dangerous because often it is not well received. It is especially missed in text - since you can't text the tone of your thought / voice, a sarcastic text is nearly always taken the wrong way.
Three times this week my Candor / Sarcasm has slapped me across the face by negatively effecting people that I care about. With the Bible, theologians are so confident in the symbolism and power of the number "3", that it is commonly accepted as rule of divine perfection. Lent is about strengthening my relationship with God. If I can better myself than I can better my relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To ignore what is so clearly a way to improve myself would be wasteful of the 11 solid-less days I've already endured and possibly cancel out the next 29.
I can't say that without participating in Lent, my lesson learned on Day-11 would have missed, but I also can't say that it wouldn't have. Without my current journey I'm positive it would not have effected me as it has. I've spoken with candor and been sarcastic as far back as I can remember, its been a trait that many people both admire and hate about me. It is something that I use often and think more people should and I've always known that I'm in the minority with this thought.
I do not know how this is going to play out, how my personality will shift or even if it will. But I know where improvements await, I have an idea of where I need to go and most importantly, I know who to ask "how do I get there?"
Random Notes: Started the Day at 201 - will finish around 2100 calories. And for those stung by my sarcasm or embarrassed by my candor, I'm sorry to have hurt your feelings and will work to not hurt them in the future.
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